Following up on his startling revelation last Tuesday that "there's about 78 to 81 members of the Democrat Party who are members of the Communist Party," freshman Republican congressman Allen West of Florida issued a new bombshell on Sunday. West announced that he has found what he said is "incontrovertible evidence" that eleven of the twelve apostles of Jesus were card-carrying members of the Communist Party.
"This outrageous fact about the subversives around Jesus came to my attention when I saw the first reading used in many churches on this Sunday after Easter," Mr. West explained.
Quoting from the fourth chapter of The Acts of the Apostles, Rep. West read :
"'No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had.' What's that but Commie claptrap?" West asked with a sneer. "And there's more! Listen to this: 'There were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles' feet and it was distributed to anyone who had need.'
"Those early Christians were taking their orders straight from Karl Marx and Joseph Stalin, just like Barack Obama and all those card-carrying Communist Democrats in Congress do!" West shouted.
"And this Communist propaganda was recited in all sorts of churches today," a visibly perturbed Rep. West pointed out. "Catholic, Lutheran, Episcopalian, Methodist... maybe others. We need to get our armed Neighborhood Watch people protecting us against these traitors and subversives!"
Asked what he meant by saying that only eleven of the twelve Apostles of Jesus were Communists, Mr. West explained: "This guy Judas Iscariot wasn't a Commie. He was a good, patriotic entrepreneur who looked for the chance to make money. He had turned in that Commie Jesus to the authorities and made a profit from that patriotic act. He was dead before the other eleven started all that Marxist nonsense about from each according to his ability, to each according to his need."
West concluded, "Judas was a good guy, unlike the other eleven."
Robert S. McElvaine is a history professor at Millsaps College. His most recent books are "Grand Theft Jesus: The Hijacking of Religion in America' and a 25th aniiversary edition of "The Great Depression: America, 1929-1941." He is now writing, 'Oh, Freedom! -- The Young '60s.'