Dear Aly Raisman: Before You Date That NFL Player, Watch My Video

You're a world-class athlete and I ate a whole pizza by myself last night. It's a match.

What does an NFL player have that I don’t have? You know what — don’t answer that question.

For starters, Colton Underwood has a better country music name than I do, but the Oakland Raider also beat me to the punch last week when he asked out Olympic gold medalist and all-around goddess Aly Raisman during an interview with Yahoo Sports.

As a fellow athlete at my physical peak, I understand that scoring first doesn’t always lead to a victory. That’s why I’m dropping this bigger, better, more flashily edited date proposal video that I hope lands me a date with America’s favorite leotard-wearer.