Healthy Living

Am I Being Selfish When I’m Loving Myself?

08/14/2017 09:30am ET | Updated August 14, 2017
Brooke Cagle

Loving Myself

Are you concerned that if you focus on taking loving care of yourself you will be selfish? Discover the difference between taking care of yourself from your ego wounded self or from your loving adult.

I often have clients ask me, “If I just take care of myself and look out for my own highest good, wouldn’t I be selfish?” The answer is, yes and no. Yes, if you are asking the question about your highest good from your ego wounded self, and no if you are asking it from your loving adult. When the narcissistic aspect of the ego wounded self asks about your highest good, it is concerned with the earthly level - with acquiring things and money, with achievements and with recognition. According to the narcissistic aspect of the wounded self, it is okay to step over others to get what you think you want or need. The end justifies the means. It is all about you - your wants, needs and desires. This aspect of the wounded self is self-centered and selfish, quite unconcerned about others. It is also unconcerned about your true highest good. It primarily wants to have control over getting love, avoiding pain and feeling safe.

Loving Yourself As A Loving Adult

If you ask about your highest good from your loving adult self, you are asking about the highest good of your SOUL. The loving adult is concerned with your highest good on the spiritual level - about what is in the highest good of the immortal part of you, rather than about what you think you want or need right now. And it is never in the highest good of your soul to be selfish and uncaring toward others. Quite the opposite. When we are asking about what is in our highest good as a loving adult, we are wanting to support our own highest good and the highest good of all. We know that whatever is truly loving to us is also loving to others. It is never about, “I’m going to take care of me, regardless of how it affects you.” The loving adult knows that we will never feel good about ourselves when we come from a self-centered place. We came to this planet to evolve our souls in our ability to love and to fully manifest our gifts. We cannot fulfill our soul’s journey when we stay stuck in our wounded self, just trying to get everything we can at anyone’s expense. While the Inner Bonding process is about taking loving care of our self, it is about doing this in connection with our spiritual Guidance. The wounded self wants to convince us that we are being loving to ourselves when we close our heart to protect against being hurt, but being closed-hearted will never make us feel good or safe. Our safety lies in learning to be a loving adult, taking loving action for ourselves without violating others.

Loving Yourself Creates Strength and Personal Power

Selfishness comes from fear and insecurity, from being afraid to care about others for fear of being taken advantage of, and from believing that you need others to give themselves up for you. It comes from an abandoned inner child desperately trying to get what it needs from others because you are not taking loving care of yourself. The more you learn to be a spiritually connected loving adult, the more powerful and the less selfish you will become. Far from creating selfishness, learning to love yourself creates just the opposite. It creates personally responsible adults who are far more concerned with being kind and compassionate with themselves and others than with getting love, attention, approval or things. Sometimes clients have asked, “If I become more loving, won’t I be weak? Won’t I let people take advantage of me? Don’t I have to be selfish to be safe from being used?” Loving yourself and others has nothing to do with being weak. Again, it is very much the opposite. The loving adult, connected with a source of strength and wisdom, would never let others walk all over you, because this would not be loving to you or to them. The loving adult is strong, open and powerful, willing to take loving action on your behalf - action that supports your own highest good and the highest good of others.

Start learning to love yourself and heal your relationships with our free Inner Bonding course.

Join Dr. Margaret Paul for her 30-Day at-home Course: ”Love Yourself: An Inner Bonding Experience to Heal Anxiety, Depression, Shame, Addictions and Relationships.”