Amazon is celebrating its 20th birthday with a massive sale on all the microfiber towels, compression leg sleeves and delicious oral rinse that shoppers can get their hands on.
The "Prime Day" sale Wednesday is said to offer "more deals than Black Friday," and while there are a few gems nested within, a large number of the items are bargain-bin garbage that Amazon is probably desperate to purge from its warehouses. That in itself wouldn't be so surprising, but people, seemingly desperate for a good deal or ravenously hungry for krill oil supplements, are snapping it all up.
Here are a few of the more improbable Prime Day deals that are actually being purchased. We recommend listening to this Sleater-Kinney song ("We love the bargains! We love the prices so low!") while reading.
A novelty wine glass that's the size of an entire wine bottle. It completely sold out!
"Beard Growther" beard rub says it can help you grow fuller facial hair. Bottled and made in America.
Icy Mint Oral Rinse is, as of now, waitlist-only.
Listen, we all love "Star Wars." But no one loves Mosep Binneed, the horrible bureaucrat who does bookkeeping for Jabba the Hutt. He looks like a dehydrated baby walrus. You can have his action figure for $9.99 while supplies last.
You're too late to snag the deal on the high-definition version of "Big Daddy," the 1999 film in which Adam Sandler teaches a young, parentless child to damage merchandise for discounts and urinate on things. (Now in glorious high definition.) You can join the waitlist here.
A bottle opener that looks like a bullet -- exactly what our country needs right now. While it's sold out, you can add it to your wedding registry.
This one might not be so bad, except you have to wonder why someone with a wrist condition has been waiting around for the perfect deal before taking the plunge on a remedy. Fifty-three percent claimed!
Amazon's Prime Day sales are still continuing to roll out, so you may yet be able to snag something great. And hey, if you want the Mosep Binneed figure, don't let us rain on your parade. (Though, really: He's Jabba's accountant, guys.) That said, we're not the only ones who've pointed out that a lot of these offers are kind of sketchy.
In any case, if it doesn't work out for you, there's always Walmart.