America: If these Republicans became POTUS

I wanted to answer the question, what would America be like if these people actually became the President of the United States? For extra fun, I gave all of the would-be Presidents nicknames, and actually called all of them President (Fill in your favorite) because if actually reading something like President Huckabee doesn't run a chill up your spine, I don't know what will.

President Jeb "I swear I can't be worse than Dubya, or can I..." Bush

President Jeb, having said that his brother's Iraq War was correct, even with hindsight (one of the most ridiculous things said by a candidate this year, and this is a field including Mike Huckabee and Bobby Jindal I remind you). So, I think it's safe to assume Bush III would lead us into Middle East War III.

President Scott "Terrorists are cowards who are afraid of freedom, but darn it, I'll stop same-sex marriage if it's the last thing I do, because I love freedom THAT much" Walker

I'll admit it, that nickname was a bit longwinded. But, the first part of it, he actually said, and we can only imagine that he whispered the rest of that to himself later that night. The scariest of all things is that he is actually a legitimate contender for president. He has a lot of terrifying statements and policies, but for now, let's just focus on the fact that he would waste a significant amount of time trying to get a Constitutional Amendment to prevent same-sex marriage. Rather than something like, oh, I don't know, comprehensive campaign finance reform. But, that would hurt his overlords the Koch brothers.

President Ted "Guns Blazing, Texas Man" Cruz

As a firm opponent of any gun ownership checks or restrictions, a Cruz administration would likely block legislation that looked to remedy situations that contributed to school shootings and astronomical gun violence numbers that much of America deals with. Immigrants would be in a tough spot as he has frequently spoken out against the DREAM Act and any paths to citizenship for undocumented residents. Oh, and, if he stays true to statement's he made, we could see social security dismantled. Lovely.

President Rand "Sort-of-Libertarian, Flip-Flopper" Paul

The Flip-Flopper himself, President Rand Paul. His reversal from his original budget plan proposed in 2011 that slashed spending on everything to his 2015 budget plan that gave more money to the Pentagon and our war making potential has been shocking. The good news is, I can finally tell the people that say "I don't agree with Rand, but at least he has his principles" that they are full of it. A Rand Paul Administration would be a bizarre mix of almost Libertarian-every-person-for-themselves kind of thing and an apocalypse, because that is exactly what would happen if we suddenly ended discretionary spending, aid to foreign countries, taxes, etc.

President Marco "I love the middle class but let's kill it!" Rubio

President Rubio would proudly deliver his inauguration speech, peppering in nuggets about how his family immigrated her, worked hard, and were able to enter the middle class. Then, the next day he would immediately start working towards killing the middle class by refusing to raise the minimum wage and allowing corporations and the mega-rich to take advantage of huge tax loopholes. The rich get richer, the poor get poorer.

President Rick "I really want to be, but never will be President" Santorum

It's been a long slog for the defending Iowa caucus champion. According to the former Pennsylvania senator, people with pre-existing conditions "should pay more." Yikes. Sounds like Obamacare, a piece of legislation that is literally saving thousands of lives would go under the knife with President Santorum. Also, President Santorum has said there would be no porn allowed in America if he had a say. You can come after our health care, and our human rights, but we will not stand for our porn to be attacked. Ever.

President Chris "Sit down, Shut up, and Listen to what I'm saying" Christie

After only taking 8 years to run NJ into the ground with the most credit downgrades in state history, peak crime years, drop in education, and other things, President Christie promises us that he will rebuild America in only 4!

President Bobby "I will castrate you" Jindal

If his previous statements are anything to go by, he would call for chemical castration of sexual predators and the end to LGBTQ rights. Also, everything would be in English under President Jindal, because we can't have other countries thinking we are soft for tolerating ethnic minorities that speak other languages in their homes. President Jindal, an America where everyone is terrified.

President Donald "You all laughed then, but now I'm President" Trump

President Trump would spend most of his first day as President rubbing it in the face of everyone who doubted him and vaguely and aggressively saying he will make America great again. Later in the week, he would repealed Obamacare by executive action and close the border with Mexico entirely. Almost everyone loses in this surely desolate future, except the Donald himself, and SNL.