The election was put out of its misery and Americans are still divided. It's time to make a choice. I don't know about you but I drank the cool-aid. I have fallen down the rabbit hole and I am so pumped to make America great again. This country is in the dumps and we need to weed out the losers and get back to what we do best, being great, like tremendously great.
I'm ready to support those people who grab women by the pussys. I said it. That's right, I donated to Planned Parenthood. They've been around for 100 years providing red-blooded American women with care for their great pussys. They've been really doing a tremendous job and I couldn't be happier making sure they do their part to make America great again. Honestly this is the most I've ever written the word "pussy." America is already on its way to great heights.
Also I started harassing people. What is more American than calling up my local government and demanding things from them? Like say, putting an end to hateful rhetoric, or blocking certain racist cabinet members? There's nothing like yelling at people very loudly to prove you truly are a great American.
How could I forget the incredible wall I'm about to help build? I'm volunteering with Habitat for Humanity to build as many, terrific walls as I can for people in need. I hope we get to build walls with really great doors that people can come in and out of. All that hard work is going to be great for America.
How could I forget checking if my neighbors are registered ... to vote? Voting it's the #TBT of American greatness. That's right if you're Muslim, Catholic, Jewish, Atheist, Agnostic, Pastafarian, Baha'i, Hindi, anyone really, you need to make sure you're registered - and not just at Bed Bath and Beyond. Because lets face it, voting and gift registries are THE ONLY registries we should have in our great America.
Last but not least, I'm gonna' call out nasty women. Are you a strong, smart, capable badass lady? Then you are straight nasty. You better do your part to make America great.