If you look at the title of my recent blog post about Amy Chua, "What Tiger Mothers Do Wrong (And Right)," and the title of this piece, you may be thinking that I have Multiple Personality Disorder, excoriating her one day and expressing my affection for her the next. I have since thought more about her WSJ.com article and learned more about her. I began to look beneath the surface of her words and consider what underlay her seemingly outrageous (at least for many of us) treatment of her daughters and saw much to admire. And I thoroughly agree with many of her criticisms of what is severely lacking in the parenting approach of her predominantly white, educated and affluent counterparts.
Here is what I love about the Tiger Mom:
- Amy Chua knows what she values and lives those values. I may not agree with her values, but I respect that she's willing to "cowboy up" with her values. In my private practice, at speaking engagements around the country, and in my own community north of San Francisco, I see too many parents who either don't know what they value, don't have the courage of their convictions to live their values, or are just plain too lazy or selfish to raise their children in accordance with their values.
I had sensed a real narcissism in Ms. Chua's maniacal behavior toward her daughters. But now I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she has been willing to fight the good fight for her children based on what she truly believes. In a culture of parenting that is sorely lacking that kind of conviction, I think all parents can learn a few things about raising their children from this Tiger Mom. And, as the father of two little girls with a maniacal streak of my own, I can only hope that I have the fortitude to make the tough decisions and take the path of most resistance when it comes to raising my daughters.