An Expat Conversation with People Back Home

An Expat Conversation with People Back Home
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

So you want to move overseas and become an expat...fantastic! Just read this before you take that excited leap into expat life to prepare yourself as best you can.

Here’s the problem you will face: You will have to constantly speak up in defense of expat life. You will have to offer explanations and information, personal details and perhaps intimate insights. You will have to regularly deal with people questioning your lifestyle and your choices.

Well, you don’t have to do any of this, but, unfortunately, you will be faced with some difficult conversations with coworkers, friends, and family. That’s an inevitability you must embrace before embarking on your expat journey.

Conversations About Expat Life

Unfortunately, when you choose the expat life, you’ll encounter a variety of responses from those who are closest to you back home. Some will be excited about your new journey, some will be sad at your departure. But some will be incredulous, skeptical, or downright judgy.

People back home will tell you that expats don’t live in the “Real World.” They will often remark on you running away from obligations. They assume that you’re in a Peter Pan moment of desperation, clinging to childhood as you seek Neverland.

Perhaps they think that you’re just in a phase, or having a mid-life crisis, or trying to get out of babysitting the grandkids for free every day.

This theory that expats don’t live in the “Real World” bothers me quite a bit, but probably not for the reasons you think.

It doesn’t offend me or make me second-guess my life decisions - on the contrary! When people (frequently) make comments or ask judgemental questions along these lines of irresponsibility or escaping the “Real World,” I know it’s actually coming from a place of unease, perhaps even unhappiness.

You see, happy people don’t care what other people do with their lives. Happy people don’t judge, they don’t infringe on the happiness of others, and they certainly don’t try to tell others what they’re doing wrong in life.

Happy people are too busy being happy to challenge your version of happiness.

In Defense of Expat Life

Life is a choice, a series of decisions we make every single day that creates a storyline of memories and moments.

Expats don’t leave the “Real World” to go on some fantasy vacation away from daily difficulties. Being an expat only means you’ve selected a different place to live your reality.

Living in another country offers as many - if not more - reality slaps as living back at home. Daily challenges, bills to pay, work to be done...this is everyone’s reality.

Okay, it may be hard to convince people you're still living in the Real World when this is your front yard...
Okay, it may be hard to convince people you're still living in the Real World when this is your front yard...
Photo by Amanda Walkins

Living in a new country doesn’t mean you’re no longer in the “Real World.” It means your reality has shifted to better suit you, which is often difficult for people back home to grasp.

It’s hard, but sometimes you need to remind people back home that the “Real World” isn’t defined by their own reality. You’ll need to remind them that you’re living a very similar life, just elsewhere.

The “Real World” doesn’t only exist in the place you were born and raised, with everywhere else being an escape from reality. Not everyone who chooses to move overseas is fleeing something; most of us are running toward something.

Expat Privilege and Choosing Happiness

I know I am incredibly privileged to come from the background I do; I know that I have endless opportunities afforded to me merely because of who I am and where I’m from. I recognize my privilege.

But, while it may not be as easy for others to choose the type of path I have chosen, everyone chooses a path. You choose a path every single day in the way you react to life. If you choose to see everything in a negative light, that’s your choice. If you choose to see things positively, that’s your choice.

You choose your own journey. You cannot choose what shows up along the way - illnesses, natural disasters, economic downfalls, systemic challenges - there are countless issues outside of your personal control. But you can always, always choose how you react to those issues along the way.

And you don’t need to leave your native country to change your reality either. That’s something you can do right this minute in the way you react to the world and the path that you choose to take.

Final Takeaway

Expats don’t leave the real world. An expat’s real world encompasses a variety of realities absorbed and engrained through varied experiences in unique places.

But reminding people back home that your life isn’t irresponsible, or crazy, or an endless quest to escape can be exhausting.

Just remind them...Expats don’t leave the “Real World” for an extended vacation; expats live in the real world just like everyone else. It’s all real. The only difference is in how you choose to perceive it.

If your people back home are truly happy, then they’ll be happy for you in your expat life, too.


A version of this article originally appeared on

Amanda Walkins is an expat writer and blogger, currently based in Edinburgh. Read more about her serial expat life, including resources and advice for current and future expats, at

Popular in the Community