An Ode to Women: Part One

confident business woman at the ...
confident business woman at the ...

Legend has it the need for adjectives in the English language arose from man's desire to describe the endless number of ways women have left their mark on our world. The legend says about 600 years ago, a few mischievous monks -- bored with celibacy and Biblical transcription -- challenged themselves to come up with new and different ways to poetically describe the terrestrial angels known as women. It turns out the grammatical gems these scholars fabricated ultimately became linguistic cornerstones of the modern English language. Words like beautiful, intoxicating and captivating. Enchanting, exhilarating and stunning to name but a few.

The most amazing woman I've ever had the pleasure of knowing is the mother of my children. For the majority of our life together I called her SuperGirl. As far as I'm concerned, every man alive should have a heroine symbolize the special woman in his life. I don't care if it's SuperGirl, Wonder Woman or Bat Bitch... superhero status is only fitting since women are endowed with special powers. How else do you explain x-ray vision that can see straight through a man's bullshit? Or how women can multitask with greater efficiency than precision robotics at the Ferrari factory? I've said it before and I'll say it again: Men like to joke about women being the weaker sex but the jokes on us, fellas. There aren't many men alive who can manage a household, earn an income and juggle responsibilities with a fraction of the combined competence a woman can.

So can someone please explain to me why women are still so often regarded as the weaker sex? Supposedly we live in the most sophisticated, tolerant and understanding era in history so marginalizing women today makes about as much sense as tits on a bull!

With little exception, man has held and continues to hold virtually every position of power in politics, business and culture. On the whole, women have less education, lower income and far more instances of social inequality than their penile counterparts. Consider chastity belts and Scarlet Letters for starters. Even today, women are still considered to be a man's physical property in many parts of the world. Even our glorious United States didn't allow women the right to vote until 1920. I guess equal opportunity for all only applies if you're packing a penis. Since we live in the most socially progressive era in history, it's easy for us to forget that true gender equality is less than one-hundred years old... if it exists at all.

As a man who appreciates and adores women like few others, these historical injustices coupled with a modern double standard that sidelines women makes my blood boil. Why is it when a guy seduces a multitude of women he's considered a stud yet when a sexually confident woman shares her sensuality she's considered a slut? In business, confidence and assertion are admirable traits if you're a man, yet a woman possessing the same is often viewed as bitchy and offensive. Everywhere you look you see examples of strife and conflict as women make their way in the world of men. She's either too sexy or too Plain Jane. Too intelligent or just another dumb blonde. Too damn skinny or Queen of the Wildebeests. It drives me nuts.

What's worse is the lens through which these judgments and double standards are imposed often rests on the fallacy that women are somehow inferior to men. What sheer lunacy! Women are by no means inferior to men, just gloriously different. And it's these differences we should celebrate. It makes no sense to play the gender comparison game especially given there's no shortage of things women do BETTER than men.

For example...

Women often get a bad rap for being overly emotionally sensitive, but I would argue this sensitivity is a good thing. After all, emotional people are passionate people. They care deeply about others and generally make the world a better place to live. There's no question that women are directly responsible for greater levels of kindness, compassion and understanding in the world as a direct result of this sensitivity. Personally, my life is infinitely better as a result. As a hot-blooded alpha male with two beautiful daughters, I'm simply not wired to provide my girls with the same level of compassion, nurture and understanding as their mother. My strengths lie in other areas. So I'm eternally grateful for the warmth and empathy they receive from their mom... it's the perfect counterpoint to my testosterone-fueled temperament. In this and countless other cases, a woman's love has no equal. If the by-product of emotional sensitivity is dealing with the occasional mental meltdown or teary outburst, then so be it. It sure as hell beats the alternative.

I guess my ideal example of how men and women should complement one another can be found in nature. Take a walk in the forest and you'll find a myriad of trees, flowers and plants all coexisting alongside one another. They live together harmoniously despite multiple differences, strengths and weaknesses. Yet it's highly unlikely you'll find someone casting judgmental dispersions towards the oak tree in favor of the maple. Or telling the rose bush she isn't as pretty as the orchid. That's because we know intuitively that flora and fauna can coexist alongside one another despite their dissimilarities. Do these differences make one better than the other? Absolutely not! We understand and accept each is a wonderfully different entity placed on earth to fulfill its own unique and special role. The human female is no different.

Let's celebrate those differences.


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