Valentine’s Day always feels like such a ‘gushy’ time to talk about how I feel about you openly – while you have always done the loving thing of giving me the classic V Day experience of roses and chocolate, we aren’t really the posting lovers on instagram type. In fact, I don’t even think we are married on social media (#rebels) but then I stumbled across Spouses Day – a day to be thankful for the fulfilment and security of a long-term relationship that boosts morale and well-being.
We recently made it to the one year mark and after we high fived each other proudly saying “We survived!” it wasn’t long before a relative told us “Don’t worry, the first ten years are the hardest”. We stared at each other blankly and wondered if the next 9 years would really involve us arguing over netflix, the garbage run and who did the last load of laundry.
This letter feels like a perfect time to be in defence of the ‘old ball and chain’ role – a reminder of how cool marriage really can be and how fortunate I am to have found someone to put up with my crap till forever more. To that end, I just wanted to say:
- You are right (a lot): But I’m getting pretty good at arguing your style now. After a few years together, I have gathered the necessary data to ‘prove’ every issue on the table that will act as evidence alongside my feelings when you say I am just ‘not making sense’. I appreciate your need to be right and the fact that your logic is only matched by my need to ‘feel heard’. You may be right, but my need for having a dramatic discussion will always win. Just know that once chocolate enters the situation, everyone wins.
- You really are the bee’s knees: We do get tired of each other at times and need a break every now and then– but I really like having you around. A lot. I didn’t think my husband could be my best friend and I love the fact that I can do pretty much nothing all weekend and it still be perfectly socially acceptable because I was with ‘my husband’. As though being with you is a wife-ly chore. It’s awesome.
- You challenge me as much as you support me: I had a notion that my husband would just kind of agree with everything I say, do and think (#thankyoudisney) but I quickly found out that you weren’t that type of prince. You do support me in the important stuff but you also make me question things I have never considered myself and have given me a different perspective on everything around me. You don’t think like I do – thank God for that.
- You are my guy – and that makes me happy to no end. What I love about our marriage is how safe it makes me feel, because that’s how safe you make me feel. Your consistency matches my confusion and your steadfastness compensates for my passionate tendencies in life. I know my ability to quickly dive into new ideas and opportunities makes you uncomfortable at times – and I am so glad you have my back and can pull me back to logic when I haven’t worked out the roadmap just yet. While I’ll never be as considered as you when it comes to decisions and going for it, you balance my passion and need for variety with sound reason. You say potato and I say patato. But I’ll never call the whole thing off.
To top this all off, I wanted to say, I love being your spouse. It’s not always rosy, but being with you has made me a better person all around. Thank you for loving me at my most unlovable and for being my guy – I couldn’t have asked for a better half.
From your loving, adoring and awesome wife.
PS - You’ll be happy to know that recent studies prove being married makes you more money - so it should be noted that just by being your wife - I am making you richer. Your welcome.
Rachel Reva is a blogger and success coach for women. She currently lives in London with her Australian husband. When she isn’t writing, coaching or stalking Oprah she is planning her next European holiday. You can join her mailing list here.