An Open Letter To My Sons After The Stanford Rape Case

An Open Letter To My Sons After The Stanford Rape Case
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My Precious Boys,

Every day when I come home from work I look at you and marvel at how you continue to grow and mature. You are only 5 and 2 1/2 years old, respectively, and in this young stage of life, each day is a new adventure filled with learning, creativity, fun and wonder. I eagerly anticipate hearing about your day: who you played with, what stories you heard, what lessons were imparted to you by your teachers. I delight in every evening and weekend as I get to share with both of you what is important to your mom and I, what values we hold as sacred, and our dreams and aspirations for your lives.

It is in that spirit that I write this letter to you today. I know it will be some time before you come to read it, but while the thoughts are still fresh and the emotion still vivid, I wish to put the words down. These are the best of times and these are also some of the most challenging of times. Both of you have been born during the administration of the first African-American President in our country's history and you will, hopefully, continue to grow up as the first woman takes the oath of office in the history of the United States. Your mom earned her doctorate and spends every day leading an organization advocating for gender equity and feminism. Yet, at this very time, women are being objectified, abused and raped daily.

A young man, with a bright future ahead of him, saw a woman in a vulnerable state and what did he do? He forced himself on her and raped her. Why was Brock Turner's first thought not to help her? Why would he feel it is his privilege and his right to treat her like an object and not a fellow human being? These questions haunt me as your father. I am only further shocked when his father would describe that violation and that crime as simply "20 minutes of action." Where are the values that form the basis of a shared society where all people feel safe to simply be? That woman may have been very drunk that evening and you may inquire as to what she expected from being so drunk? The answer is she expected a hangover, not a rape.

You both are being raised in a home with deep religious values. I am a rabbi and your mom is a communal faith leader. The core teaching of Judaism, of your tradition and your heritage, is that people are created in the image of God. Therefore, every single person is invested with infinite worth, dignity and potential. As you both get older and begin to be physically attracted to other people, I hope that you both will discover the inner beauty that shines just as brightly, if not even more, than the outer beauty. I expect that both of you will treat whoever you love and whoever you are attracted to with the dignity and value bestowed on them as someone that God created. Physical attraction is not a bad thing, the opposite is true, but it cannot be allowed to depersonalize and dehumanize the other person.

The tragedy of this entire situation is not only that this young man, Brock Turner, acted in such a horrific way towards another human being, but that there are countless Brock Turners doing this every day. As your parent, I will respect the choices you both make in life and the autonomy you both have, but your treatment towards others, is a non-negotiable.

When you one day look back at this situation, study the actions not of Brock Turner, but of the two young men who came to the woman's aid. One of them wept with shock and horror at what he had witnessed. Those two young men are your role models.

In all things, you both are called upon to treat everyone with respect and with infinite value. This applies doubly so in the arena of physical attraction, love, dating and marriage.

As your father, I love both of you with all my heart, and both your mom and I know that you can live up to this ideal, because there is no other choice.

With love and admiration,

Your dad

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