Body Positivity

An Open Letter To The Guy Who Sent Me This Message On OkCupid


It's Friday night. I just received your lovely message on OkCupid. Super genius intro I should mention. It really caught my eye.

"Want to hang out?"

Omg!! Yes please! I have no idea who you are and you didn't even ask my name, but PLEASE, let's hang out asap.

Or how about no. So I don't respond. You don't like that. That hurts your ego a bit. So you send me a rude message. A mean message. A message solely intended to hurt me.

"Well at least hang out with a cardio machine"

You sent that message to a woman whom you know nothing about. So let me tell you about a little bit about me...

I'm in therapy due to the depression and anxiety I experience because of my weight. I try really hard, but it's more than just a physical battle -- it's a mental one. It's emotional. It's exhausting. And everyday I hate that it's my struggle. Everyday I work on changing my habits and bettering myself, while still accepting who I am right now in this moment. It's a tough balance because my weight makes me not want to do a lot of things. Like dating, for example. But I've forced myself to own who I am right now and to put myself out there. Cue OkCupid. Life is about progress, not perfection. But based on your rash judgment toward me, maybe we don't share that same mentality. You must be perfect. That's probably why we're a 0% match -- I'll be the first to admit I'm nowhere near perfect.

Your message affected me deeply. Not in that it hurt me -- but rather, it made me angry. It made me passionate. How dare you say that to someone? A woman? A human? A person you don't know and even if you did, you still shouldn't ever say something so vile. So ill intended. So insensitive.

I'm sorry you struggle with insecurity like I do. In case you didn't know, your message screams insecurity. Your form of coping seems to be putting others down. Interesting how we all have our struggles. I hate my struggle, but I'm proud to say I never intentionally hurt or put down others. I am kind. I am compassionate. And I stand up for myself. Character is who you are when no one is looking. You thought no one was looking... except me, and what do I matter? Actually, I matter a lot. And I don't keep silent about this kind of stuff. So I hope you read this and I hope it makes you reexamine how you treat the fellow human beings you are living this life with.

Brooke Weglarz is a passionate nanny advocate with a Master's Degree in Clinical Psychology. She offers professional information and tips to help foster fair and harmonious relationships between parents and nannies. She blogs at and her instagram is @nannycounsel and @brookeweglarz.