This is by far the hardest post I will ever share. I could be judged to be crazier than I already am....
Its taken me time to share this but now I want to share an experience of the Angels. I have two very conflicting sides to my personality…the ‘I am a realist and if you can’t see it it’s not real’ but I also have the total opposite side that believes in God, karma, spirit, life after death, dreams and the law of attraction. The realist side has always won…up until now. Let me tell you of my experience.
Back in April I took on a new job and left my company of 8 years, within a week or two I knew deep in my soul I made a big mistake, the following 5 months solidified the horrible mistake I made. I was tears almost daily for 5-6 months, it was anger, anxiety and upset, manipulation, deceit and the list goes on. I was so exasperated by September I was literally going through the motions. One night I was talking to a friend of mine and she said to me why don’t you ask your angels for help, you know they can’t help you unless you ask. I pondered that and thought; I have nothing to lose. I never believed that God or Jesus could help me, heck they are way too busy but I could believe that maybe I have a guardian angel or that angels could possibly help me, why not try? I grew up meditating and praying – that spiritual side was always there but it was well and truly buried at this stage.
On September 18th I crawled in the bath (which I NEVER do) after a suggestion from a friend and put a meditation on to connect with my spirit guide. I remember this day so clearly. I was highly anxious, I remember the bath was too hot and I wanted out, I kept forcing myself to calm down and stay put, I kept hearing a voice saying; ‘stay, don’t get out.’ I continued that mediation and was suddenly filled with deep sorrow and love simultaneously, a creeping warmth that was a product of a warm bath…or was it? I could see a huge figure walking towards me in my minds eye, a peaceful figure, I knew intrinsically this was my guardian angel, he walked up to me and wrapped his arms around me, I collapsed into him, I sobbed deeply as he held me like a parent soothing a child after the death of a loved one, he soothed me, he was literally 7ft tall. He sat me in a chair opposite him with my hands in his and said; “I am here, I have always been here but you refused to ask, you chose to do this alone, all of this, your whole life has been alone.” By this stage I was sobbing, no longer wanting to be alone, to not have love, to not have support, to be the ‘just Renate’ show. I begged him to stop this pain, to please take it away from me as was sure I couldn’t walk another step holding this world on my shoulders. I was in hysterics, screaming at the top of my lungs at this point, a place I had never been in since I was a young girl. He kept saying his name was Ariel, I remembered him from my meditations from when I was 15 and quite suicidal…it was like I had remembered something that was long lost and just rediscovered – it was sheer jubilation. Suddenly his voice became louder, he said my name is AZREAL, AZREAL, AZREAL, AZREAL. He literally forced me to hear his name properly…I was filled with a peace and warmth that I cannot to this day explain all the while crying like I had found the home I was sure was lost but wasn’t even aware it was lost, I had forgotten I had ever had it. Buried, repressed and finally exposed. The joy is unexplainable. Azreal, the angel of death. He is the greatest comfort one can find when going through transition or loss. He was there for me; it’s a moment I won’t ever forget.
On September 27th I went into the work place that I hated so much for them to tell me that I was no longer required there, I was devastated. After all I put in, after leaving my job of 8 years to go there, the one and only woman I became friends within this company was the person to let me go – she was the biggest wolf in sheep’s clothing I have ever met to this day. I was sick with pain and disbelief that this was my life. That night as I yelled anger at my guardian angel for not helping me he said; “you asked me to take this pain away from you, you didn’t say how. The pain is gone, now have faith”
From that day on I would see repeated number patterns; 111, 1111, 222, 333, 444, 555….most of the time it was 1111 or 222 and 333. I looked them up, what was this significance in the spirit world…these were angel numbers. I would take photos & would screen shot my phone every time I saw these numbers. I jumped into action, I prayed every day, I surrounded myself with good souls and I connected with everyone I knew would support me, I applied for jobs like it was a full time role. Within 2 weeks of leaving that organization I had 2 interviews with 2 of the top 5 banks in Canada. The night before my final interview with the bank that I ended up accepting the role from I did my angel cards, I prayed to my guardian angel Azreal while doing my angel cards to send a sign for the following day….I drew the card Archangel Azreal…within 3 weeks I had 2 job offers from those two banks. I chose to go back to the original bank that I left; I was given a second chance.
I will never again doubt that Angels are real. That the spiritual side of life is real and that even if I feel totally alone, I am not. I am filled with love, gratitude and peace.
This is dedicated to Azreal, thank you for hearing me and showing someone so stubborn many signs….I wouldn’t have believed if it wasn’t so blatantly obvious.
I want to also thank my friends that made me run when I didn’t want to, came over and let me cry, that made me laugh when I didn’t think I could, that forced me to walk my dog with them, that told me how amazing, smart and strong I am when all I could see was failure. I have been blessed on this earth with deep, soulful friendships…something that many will never have.
Dedicated to: Janet, Melanie, Susan, Michelle, Joanne, Carolyn, Al, Darren, Paula – thank you for supporting me during a tough time.