Arrrggh! Grrrrr! The sound of many teeth gnashing. Foot stamping. Fist pounding. Heavens shouting. The soundtrack of modern life. Folks are just plain angry. Furious. Indignant. Incensed. Irate. Enraged. Outraged. In a constant state of road rage, with or without the roads. Or 'roids.
Almost gotten to where if you're not angry, you're not paying attention. We're all riled up. Infuriated on a daily basis. Everyone in this country is so darn ticked off, it's a shock our foreheads aren't perpetually moist from the little flecks of spittle flying out of our mouths whenever we speak.
People are angry because everybody they see around them is angry. The homeless are angry. People with lousy jobs are angry. People with four jobs are angry. Stockholders are angry. Middle class managers doing the work of four people are angry. Those other three people whose work he is doing are angry.
People paying $10 for a stadium beer are angry. Vendors are angry. Millionaire sports heroes are angry. Fans who can't afford to watch the millionaire sports heroes or buy the $10 beers are angry. We're all mad as hell and not going to take it anymore. Even if we're not quite sure what "it" is.
Television is stuffed with reality shows that offer no plot other than people getting angry at each other. Professional angriers. They scream and fight and yell inappropriate things for no apparent reason. Either over nothing or something absolutely inane. All those "Housewives of ..." shows should be subtitled: "Bitches Be Fighting and Shit."
That's why the electorate is so angry. Politicians are angry. Coal miners are angry. Oompaloompas are angry. Women are angry. Men are angry because that's one of their defining values, but they're also angry because women are angry. Kids are angry because their parents and grandparents and teachers are angry. Blacks and whites and greys and greens are all angry. Apparently, even the birds have gotten angry.
Ordinary people are angry because the nature of their lives is different. America's manufacturing base has disappeared. Rich people and corporations don't pay taxes. Employee hours and positions are cut so nobody qualifies for benefits anymore. Turns out Tom Brady is a jerk.
A few folks are angry because they feel they've been forgotten. Some folks have been angry for so long, they've forgotten why they're angry. Some are angry about everybody else being angry. Others are angry because they think not everybody is. Although, deep down, they are.
Donald Trump is angry. Bernie Sanders is angry. John Kasich- not so much. Mitch McConnell is angry because that is his way. Hillary Clinton is angry that she still has to work for the nomination. Bill Clinton is angry because as long as everyone else is doing it, he's determined to out angry everybody.
Jeb Bush is angry because he was the smart one. Chris Christie is hungry, which makes him angry. Ted Cruz is really angry so his supporters are really, really angry and he's not even running anymore. Which makes them angrier.
Our elected representatives promise pie in the sky, but we end up with nothing but turd muffins. Anger is the new black. It's like there's a competition to see who's the angriest. And we're all coming in second. Which, of course, fuels the anger.
Copyright © 2016, Will Durst. Will Durst is an award- winning, nationally acclaimed columnist, comedian and former dishwasher at the Grand Canyon. For sample videos and a calendar of personal appearances including his new one- man show, Elect to Laugh: 2016, appearing every Tuesday at the San Francisco Marsh and other theaters, go to willdurst.com.