Answering Our President's Cry for Help

No one witnessing our president’s impassioned press conference yesterday could fail to be moved by pity and concern.

Our president just wants to be loved.

After all, he pleaded, “I’m really not a bad person.”

No wonder he wants to escape the White House to attend rallies where true believers—those not misled by the dishonest media—can shower him with the admiration he richly deserves.

But these rallies can provide only a momentary respite. Soon our president will be back in the White House and once again down in the dumps.

Depressed, angry, upset, bullied, humiliated… and with his hand on the nuclear trigger. In such a cruel, insensitive world, why not end it all?

So I think we need to answer the president’s cry for help. How? Two words: fake news. I mean real fake news.

Obviously, what upsets the president the most are attacks from the media. That horrible CNN. That unfair, failing New York Times. To forestall a complete meltdown by our unappreciated leader, a bipartisan congressional team, in collaboration with White House staff and major media outlets, should create fake newspapers, television programs, and websites: a fake CNN channel that lavishes praise on President Trump; a fake New York Times that trumpets his many accomplishments; a fake Washington Post that compliments him on his hair and golf game. This is feasible. Of course, the president’s staff must ensure he has access only to the fake news. This will be difficult, but perhaps no more difficult than the acrobatic maneuvers already demanded of them, and in any event, it must be done for the sake of the country.

Will the president buy it? Well, if the media begin to provide him with the praise he so richly deserves, that must be the real news, right?

I suggest the fake news campaign culminate in a crescendo after six months, at which time all the fake news outlets will state that we have no more unemployment, there is peace throughout the world, all illegal “bad hombres” have voluntarily returned to their countries of origin—only pausing at the Mexican border to donate their time to build a wall—taxes are at their lowest point ever while the same time we have a huge budget surplus, and President Trump, the greatest president ever, has accomplished everything he set out to do. A happy President Trump can then resign and he, and all the rest of us, can sleep more peacefully.

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