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Anti-Gay Bigots for Jesus

When frightened, anti-gay evangelicals and Catholics like Franklin Graham and the so called Catholic League get together to try to hang onto their traditional power, here's what they produce in the name of Jesus.
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When frightened, anti-gay evangelicals and Catholics like Franklin Graham and the so called Catholic League get together to try to hang onto their traditional power, here's what they produce in the name of Jesus. I've annotated their latest anti-gay screed with a few admittedly smart ass remarks to expose the hidden truths in their otherwise meaningless far right "document." In a letter more than 200 conservative know-nothing activists -- ranging from the Catholic League's Bill Donohue to Oklahoma State Rep. Sally Kern (R) -- vowed to ignore any ruling in favor of same-sex couples. The group of endorsers, signing under the moniker of Freedom Federation, is composed of anti-LGBT conservatives, many of whom have fallen from prominence in recent years but who struggle on to maintain their fundraising powers with their mostly white, Southern, aging and ignorant "base."

My (inserted) comments are in BOLD type. The following is satire.

We Stand in Solidarity to Defend Marriage and the Family and Society Founded Upon Them By Old White Males Like Us

We stand together as anti-Jesus "Christians" in defense of marriage and the family when we're not divorcing our wives, downloading child porn, and/or hiding the fact we're gay by bashing other gays and society founded upon them. While we come from a variety of communities and hold differing faith perspectives, we are united in our common faith in Jesus Christ for fundraising purposes.

We acknowledge that differences exist between us on important matters of religious doctrine and practice, for instance we evangelicals believe our Catholic brothers are going to hell but never mind that for the moment because we hate gays more than we hate Catholics. But, on the matter of marriage, Arabs, Muslims, women, black people and science, we stand in ignorant solidarity. As a nation at perpetual war with the world, we have lost our moral compass for instance by forcing white children to go to school with blacks and by allowing women to serve in the military and to have choice about when and where to have children. As a result, we are losing true freedom to own guns and control women and to side with the 1 percent, oil companies and polluters against God's creation.

We affirm together that there is a moral basis to a free society because the Enlightenment did away with millennia of religious superstition. Though we live in a secular society until we figure out how to eliminate those we disagree with, together we reject relativism unless we need to be forgiven after going to bed with men and women other than our wives or husbands in our churches, or when we priests and bishops bugger children and secularism and science and facts of all kinds.

We affirm that marriage and family have been inscribed by the Divine Architect into the order of creation along with killing, war, greed, rape and illness. Marriage is ontologically between one man and one woman except in the Bible itself where we find many kinds of sexual arrangements, including men sleeping with their brother's wives to raise up "seed" for their dead brothers, ordered toward the union of the spouses, open to children and formative of family which is why we now accept divorce since we all do that and is why we hid the abuse of children for decades.

Family is the first vital cell of society right up there with the military and the oil companies; the first church, first school, first hospital, first economy, and the first place many kids get raped by their god fearing family members, first government and first mediating institution of our social order and that is why we tried to stop universal health care reform for families and refuse to fund child care.

The future of a free and healthy society passes through marriage and the family which is why we want to cut education funding and head start programs. Marriage as existing solely between one man and one woman (except in the Bible) was not an idea manufactured by the Christian Church because in the Bible polygamy was the norm, as was sex before marriage, sex with your slave and rape as God-given in war to punish the enemies of Israel. It precedes Christianity. Though affirmed, fulfilled, and elevated by Christian teaching along with slavery, the truth that marriage can exist only between one man and one woman is not based on religion or revelation alone, but on the Natural Moral Law, written on the human heart by Roman Catholics once they realized that religious arguments have no basis in fact and wanted something to make them seem respectable in spite of the evidence, and discernible through the exercise of reason on Fox News...

We pledge to stand together to defend marriage as what it is, a bond between one man and one woman, intended for life, and open to the gift of children who our priests and bishops can then rape... As Christian citizens united together, we will not stand by while the destruction of the institution of marriage unfolds by Republicans in Congress cutting all funding for education and child care in this nation we love so much we want to keep it white and make sure only poor people serve in the military, not our kids. The Sacred Scriptures when read by people ignoring what is actually in them, like the rape of captives as commanded by God, and unbroken teaching of the Church that also burnt heretics and denied science confirm that marriage is between one man and one woman because we say so. We stand together in solidarity to defend marriage and fundraising and the family and white middle class (and fundraising!) society founded upon them...

Signed by 200 frightened right wingers who see their hold on America slipping away...

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