by Skyler Holmes, an Arizona State University student
Hi, my name is Sky and I am an anxious person.
I was diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder when I was fifteen. My first panic attack took place on a school bus in my freshman year of high school. It was a nightmare come to life and the first time I ever found myself in a hospital.
My mom always reminds me how strong I am because I have not yet looked to medication as an answer to my struggles. I think that is only because I like to do things the hard way.
In reality, I am quite the ambitious individual, even with my anxious soul. I have done my research and I know all the warning signs of an attack—shortness of breath, dizziness, shaking, clammy hands, etc. I went through weeks of therapy when I was sixteen, and for a long time after that I could control the panic—for the most part, anyway. I discovered that sometimes fighting the onslaught of dread is worse than riding through the high waves, and I have learned to pick my battles.
Through it all, I went on to graduate high school in the top 15% of my class with honors and high thespian achievements in my drama department. I even spoke at the graduation ceremony. I refused to let my disorder get the best of me.
College? College is a whole new playing field. To adapt, I practiced yoga and tried to eat better. That part was hard because I have a lethal weakness for potato chips and sour candy. All in all, however, my first year was not as difficult as it could have been. This year is much harder. I suffer, on average, two panic attacks a week since the beginning of classes. My temper has shortened to nothing. Some days I take multiple naps because I am so easily exhausted, and some night I will find myself staring at a clock as it accuses me of sacrificing four hours of my own sleep.
So, when I heard about the Spa Night my college was hosting, you could say I was pretty excited. I wandered my way over to the CalmCircle table which intrigued me because it was a program I could work with on my own and that made me comfortable with the idea. I had been looking for something that could help me handle my anxiety before it went to levels I could not bring down. This was the exact direction I wanted to take in my life. The pilot program seemed to be designed to help students manage their own stress so that they can be confident in themselves to achieve what is necessary for success.
Going into this pilot, I hope that I can get back to my ambitious and unstoppable self. I miss that part of me.
Skyler Holmes is a sophomore English major concentrating on literature at Arizona State University. Having lived in both Illinois and Arizona, Skyler has a love for travel. She is a hardworking student and worker, with interests in creative nonfiction writing. She has ambitions to become a full-time memoirist and travel writer.