One day as I was scrolling down my Facebook timeline, I came across a video by Derrick Jaxn, whose messages take aim at Black women, specifically, single Black women. In his videos, he gives women all the warning signs of a cheating, no good man. Now, this brother- who describes himself as a self-love ambassador- is very easy on the eyes, has a smooth, deep voice, and he clearly works out, because his muscles were bulging, which made it easy for me to want to stop and listen to what he was talking about. I clicked on his profile and found that he has several videos in which he warns Black women about f**kboys, cheaters, liars, and just men who are no good in general.
Having just gotten divorced less than 2 years ago, and realizing that I have a better chance of being invited to have dinner with the Trump’s than I have of finding a man worth dating- as I’ve unfortunately run across a f**kboy or 2 myself- it was easy for me to find myself agreeing with all the things Jaxn was saying. His videos are informative and it was refreshing to see an educated brother trying to look out for us women, who can sometimes be naive when we think we’re in love with a man, or who sometimes do just plain stupid things, all in the name of love. For instance, in one of Jaxn’s Instagram posts he’s telling women what makes us wife material.
I, like many other women, felt like this brother was the truth. This fine specimen of a man is out here in these streets trying to help women find and have successful relationships, while at the same time, helping us dodge the bad guys. He’s like, a younger, better looking version of Steve Harvey, the self-proclaimed “Love Doctor” *insert eye-roll* Not long after, I found myself coming across several more Black, male, handsome “relationship coaches” (Stephan Speaks, Tony Gaskins, Trent Shelton, to name a few) all who seem to have the same common goal: Help Black women avoid getting involved with snakes, i.e., no good men. And like Mr. Jaxn, all of the information given is usually on point. So, after I became drawn in to all of these men, I noticed something else they had in common- they are all trying to sell something that they want their listeners and followers to buy, whether it be a book, a t-shirt, attend a seminar, etc.
I couldn’t help but wonder: Are single women being had...hoodwinked...bamboozled by these “love coaches”? We tend to eat with our eyes first, right? When you’re hungry, everything looks good, smells good to you, so you’ll buy it because it looks appetizing to you. These relationship guru’s are the same- they look good, they sound good, they draw us in with their words, saying all the things women who are searching for love want and need to hear. But are they really for us, or is it that single women, especially single Black women, are easy target?
Almost all of these “love doctors” are trying to make a profit off the pain and frustration of single women. Even if the messages they are conveying have some truth to them, their agenda is to make money. No sooner than they utter the words, “You’re a beautiful woman who deserves the best,” they quickly follow that up with, “My book is in stores or online...make sure you buy it.” They’re hustling women too, they’re just running game in a different, more creative way.
Why do you think they don’t put as much effort into targeting men, giving them tips on how NOT to be liars, cheaters, and players? Because most men wouldn’t listen to them anyway. Also, VIA singleblackmale.org: A relationship expert could spend his his or her time marketing to men, but why would you offer your supply where there’s limited demand? For the greater good of mankind? Male relationship coaches ain’t trying to be Jesus. Particularly online, where women are more active unless it involves sports, rap, beer, or models. Relationship and life coaches want to help people, but they also wanna make money. (Show me a broke coach and I’ll show you who you don’t trust.)
Black women, especially, are often told we’re unlovable, too strong-minded, too loud, too angry- all of these are reasons why Black men don’t choose us, so when we have a man, who’s telling us, “Black Queen, YOU aren’t the problem, it’s these weak men who are incapable of accepting a strong Black woman who’s the real problem,” of course we want to hear that, especially coming from the mouth of the very kind of Black man we hope to one day meet.
All of this love advice is aimed at Black women, but not exactly for the reasons we think. These coaches pockets are getting fatter while many women are still sitting home alone in Friday night’s, watching Lifetime.These days, almost everything is about money, and who better to make a profit off of than the Black woman- a group of women who are consistently being judged negatively in comparison to our white counterparts, who are constantly accused of being the reasons why men don’t want to date us, who are looked at as being good enough to sleep with and be “baby mama’s” but not good enough to marry, and start a family with?
Black women are tired of being put in this bubble, and these so called relationship experts are well aware of this. But the last time I checked, reading a book or buying a t-shirt with their name/logo on the front of it, has no effect, whatsoever, on my love life. I’m not saying don’t listen to or heed the advice that’s being given, but know that there’s a hidden agenda from these men, and it’s not particularly because they don’t want to see you heartbroken and alone.