About 5 years ago, a childhood friend casually stopped responding to my messages. Clearly, she had no intention of keeping in touch! Then out of the blue she sent me this message: “Are you a housewife now?”
We both have 2 children. She has 2 girls and I have 2 boys, both of our kids are 2 years apart. After the second, she went back to work, and I decided to stay home. In that time I also started running an online business.
I honestly didn’t know how to take this question, and many thoughts rushed in. All of these emotions of boiling up inside! It felt like she was judging me for my choice! This infuriated me. And the connotation felt somewhat demeaning. I once considered myself a hardworking career women, who held high regards to job performance, and with intentions of climbing the corporate ladder. Now, I feel judged, as if somehow I have abandoned my own goals and resorted to the blackhole of housewifery.
First of all, does your house really need a stay at home housewife? It takes a lot to manage a household, and they were handled before kids along. Why is being a mother to her own children, and making a decision to stay home with them equated to letting her own existence, who she is, goals in life, dreams and desire disappear in thin air?
Why are women so critical and judgemental of each other. Being a mother is hard enough as it is! What happened to the silent code of understanding each other’s struggles as a mom, and the silent alliance of support and encouragement?
In my opinion, it is very hard to return to work especially when your maternity leave is over and your baby is still so young age. They are completely dependent on you physically and mentally. It is super hard to find a perfect child care provider that matches up to your standards because you just know that no one can take care of them like you can, right? I am grateful to have the option of staying home, and not having to leave my babies with someone else. I made the choice. The fact is that every mom has the same choice. However it takes courage to take the leap of faith. It takes commitment to change your lifestyle and everything you are familiar with in life to do something different. The journey to learning to be a good mom and a business owner is no easy task. My opinion is biased, but it’s a harder choice to let go of conformity, and what you know as safe for a completely different life. It teaches you to reinforce your trust in faith that you can make your way and create your own financial security for yourself and your family.
After some needed ranting to true friends about this “are you a housewife now?” statement, I have settled my emotions and come to realize that what matters boils down to your own definition of success. I was so upset at my girlfriend because I feel there’s an underlying comparison on how much money we bring home and how big of a contributor we are as women to our households. I now know that is the career driven side of myself. I was driven by the money and let that determine my success. Since becoming an entrepreneur, I am on a different path, as it has taught me that in order to be truly abundant and successful in life, it is only about joy and fulfilment. I re-evaluated my values and belief system to find true joy. thus far it is being the best mom and role model to my boys, being the best wife and best friend to my husband, and best version of myself as a business owner to my business and clients. What drives me the most is how can I be more efficient in positively influencing those I come to connect with, as opposed to being driven only by my money goals, while learning to hold my worthiness in relation to money exchange. Overall, this is a spiritual journey, and I’m committed to be forever a student. If all this means that I am a housewife now, then let it be and I’m ok with it. Whatever.