5 Steps to Stop Fixating on the How of Things

When a great new opportunity comes across your desk, is your first thought, "" or is it, "How could I makehappen?"
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

When a great new opportunity comes across your desk, is your first thought, "Yes!" or is it, "How could I make that happen?"

Upon reflection, I am sad to find that my mind usually tells me and everyone else "no" in response to anything new, at first. Sure, if the idea is about where to make dinner reservations, no problem, I know how to do that. But if it is more complex, like striking a partnership with another large organization, my mind says, "Nope." If I can't figure out quickly and easily how to do it, I want it to just go away until I can. Nobody likes to be out of control, even when it seems like what's coming is a bunch of good things. I take my "no" to actually mean, "Stop, World, I want to control this."

But we know from all the manifesting masters that it is not our job to figure out the how of getting to our dreams, but rather to simply fixate on what it will feel like to be there. Oh, but that is just too vulnerable, and too outside the box that I/you normally live in. You have to just risk it, and dare to dream. (Oh, and then there is some deep work you could do on your family lineage and past baggage that we find really helps, too, but we'll talk about that later and in the Advanced Coaching Crash Course.) By nature, the practice of following your dreams and bringing them to fruition demands that you use your imagination, and literally think what you have not thunk before.

Here is the process that I recommend to break how-aholism:

1) Say "yes" in your mind.

When a new opportunity crosses your path, first say "yes" to yourself.

2) Imagine what it would be like to have the result unfold for you.

How would it feel, taste, smell, look? Create a nice juicy sense of it; write it down.

3) Imagine as many possible "hows" as you can.

Be creative and imaginative; you are pumping up your believing juices. List more than three different ways it could unfold. What are all the scenarios, from the mundane to wild, that could play out to take you from here to your dream? Maybe a superhero lands in your backyard and takes over. Who knows! Maybe a mere mortal provides an unexpected solution. Or maybe you just work hard and plug along. Please, be creative, practical, outlandish, etc. Remember to have fun!

4) Examine your Personal Integrity®.

If you aren't feeling like you have the power to cause something new and better in your life, start by looking at the daily things you choose to do, or not do, that make you feel less than proud. Make a public promise to end behaviors that make you feel ashamed.

5) Figure out to whom you need to talk.

Your new opportunity will feel more real when you start talking to other people about it. But choose carefully. And don't tell me you don't know who will be supportive and who won't be. Of course you know! If you choose unsupportive people, trust me, that's your inner-chicken trying to sabotage the thing. Cut it out! Go find the people you are supposed to connect with for this opportunity, and go find your cheerleaders and keep talking 'til the "how" starts to unfold with a beautiful magical mind of its own. Now repeat (back to Step 1).

I love seeing dreams come true! The Life Coaching Crash Course is a weekend I invented years ago to launch people into designing their lives. Check it out and everything else The Handel Group™ has to offer to help you live the life you desire.

Say yes,