Mensa quizzes, featuring those difficult to comprehend and nearly impossible to solve questions, seem to follow me around like mosquitoes on a humid day. Look, there's one tucked in the back of my in-flight airline magazine! Here's another one that somehow found its way onto my Twitter feed.
Moments after I have either produced a pen or clicked a "begin quiz now" link, I quickly realize I will never wear the "genius" label because I can't answer questions like, "What is the four-digit number in which the first digit is one-fifth the last and the second and third digits are the last digit multiplied by three?" The correct answer is 1155, although I prefer my standard Mensa answer: "When will I possibly use this information in real life?" It's the same answer I mentally wrote on 95 percent of my college exams.
But with political promises, lies and misinformation littering the airwaves, newspapers and the web as the country steamrolls toward the nominating conventions this summer, I feel Mensa owes it to the voting public to determine if we have genius status, and can therefore make educated decisions when we cast our votes on Nov. 8 for whichever candidates emerge as nominees. Allow me to submit the following questions. (Answers are below.)
1. Hillary Clinton has 96 percent of delegates needed to clinch a nomination. Bernie Sanders has 66 percent of Hillary's total. For Bernie to mathematically beat Hillary, what percentage of college students need to disrupt Hillary and Donald Trump's campaign rallies?
2. A sign appears on a California freeway proclaiming, "Donald Trump rally tonight." If it were two hours later, it would be half as long until midnight as it would be if it were an hour later. What time do police begin clashing with protesters?
3. Which of the sentences below means approximately the same as the now oft-quoted phrase, "We're going to build a wall and Mexico's going to pay for it?'
a. "All in all, it's just another brick in the wall."
b. "Oh, Mexico. It sounds so simple I just got to go."
c. "While I secretly realize constructing a wall is impossible from an architectural and diplomatic standpoint, I just won another primary."
d. "TRUMP, TRUMP, TRUMP!"
4. Hillary is to Bill as Donald is to:
5. There are 1,200 emails on a server. Some are marked "TOP SECRET," some are marked "HIGHLY SENSITIVE" and some are marked "FOR YOUR EYES ONLY." One third are marked "DELETE UPON READING." What percent promise MIND BLOWING SEX in the subject line and begin "Hello, Bill!?"
6. Which of the following objects is least like the other?
7. Donald likes Sean but not Megyn. Hillary likes Power but not Bill. Bernie likes Medicare for all. Who is most likely to enter a gender neutral bathroom?
8. Hillary and Donald, starting at the same point, walk in opposite directions for 4 meters, turn left and walk another 3 meters. How loud does each person have to yell before their charges of incompetence are heard by the other?
9. Donald tweets 80 characters in 10 seconds. Paul Ryan tweets 50 characters in the same time. Working together, how long will it ... never mind. Bad example.
10. Rearrange the following words to form a three word phrase that best sums up the 2016 presidential election: AMERICA SCREWED IS.
Answers: Who cares? It doesn't take a political genius to see the combined disapproval rating for the three remaining candidates is hovering around 140 percent. Happy voting.