Are You a Minimalist or Novelist Texter?


How should you approach texting in the modern adult world of dating?

Perhaps this question is better posed to the Millenials. After all, Gen X and Gen Y went to middle school without laptops, tablets treated indigestion, and you were forced to watch commercials. Nowadays, the common complaint among my clients is not so much the text message itself, but its composition. I personally do not have a good or right answer to this question.

I commonly tell people to approach texting as a minimalist. Less is more. But then I hear that the minimalist is cold, lacking warmth because his texting is too brief. Words like "okay" or "great" seem distant. Also, words like "cool" or "nice" might project too much apathy. The minimalist's one-word answers could suggest his dating schedule is too full, his time too important, and that there might not be a place for you in his word of monosyllabic answers. While it has become unarguable that the initially distant is more attractive, conventional wisdom would tell us the minimalist has to overcome the other's fear that he has ten dates lined-up in as many days; however, the other side of distant appears to be the novelist.

The novelist composes his text as if he is using all his space/time allotted like a Senate filibuster. The life story. The revolting taboo of texting endlessly about your day, your gym, your coffee shop, your job, or your incredible life narrative that can easily be construed as self-promotion. The novelist shares, but perhaps too much and the mood is ruined. Mind you, all of this happens without any human contact.

The date then has to account for the novelist having left it all out there before the date itself or in between dates.

Is the happy medium the answer? More importantly, where is the happy medium? Avoiding the text altogether makes you seem archaic, but the minimalist and the novelist do not seem to have the answer either.

As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.