I got an e-mail this morning from a man named Brian. He wrote a long e-mail to me because he needed coaching. He needed help.
He has two kids.
And a crazy, narcissistic ex-wife.
They were married seven years.
She’s in a new relationship now.
And she's done everything to try to replace him with a new man.
He buys gifts non-stop for the kids.
He makes dinner and tries to set up a home.
The woman tries to dominate the children non-stop. She believes that the children are hers, not theirs.
Brian has done every thing he can to rationalize with this woman, everything he can to support her.
But all he gets is parent alienation.
A true hover mother.
A helicopter mother.
A mother who’s consistently working the kids to just be with her.
Every single time that he's with the children, they're happy. They enjoy their time.
But there's always the moment when the mother calls.
The kids feel guilty leaving the mom.
What does somebody do in this situation?
Eventually, the kids are going to have a mind of their own and they're going to see what the hover mother helicopter mom is actually doing.
They're going to see all the games the mother has played.
Every single one of them.
I'm not a parent alienation specialist by any means, but I'm well aware of it.
And it's an absolute disgusting thing to do to another parent.
It’s a fear-based life. They fear that the other parent will actually be loved more.
They fear that the other parent is more fun, that the other parent can provide more.
It's consistent fear.
Oh my God, what if my child wants to be with the other parent more???
So this parent who’s alienating will hover over the child and micromanage the child’s life and existence.
Throw the new man or new woman on it.
Create a family.
But nothing will ever replace the real dad or real love.
A kid is not yours. A kid is not yours to do what you want with.
Unless the other parent is a drug addict, a crazed alcoholic, beats the kid, molests the child (I'm going down the list of ugly things), that other parent deserves equal time and equal support.
I get e-mails like this on occasion and it makes me sick to my stomach.
I have zero respect for any man or woman who will alienate their child against the other parent. Zero respect.
I have zero respect for anybody that literally will try to replace the father or the mother with somebody else.
I have zero respect for this type of human being.
As a matter of fact, this type of behavior is absolutely repulsive and disgusting. The person who alienates desperately needs lots of therapy.
How do I know?
It just so happens that I've got a lot of great therapists in my life that I'm friend with.
I’ve got great therapists and the like who I'm friends with, so I know all about this, because whenever something comes up, I like to discuss it with my circle of people.
The problem is, the parent is usually doing the alienation...
Well, they're usually the biggest hypocrite around.
They'll tell you they’re grateful. They'll tell you all these things about God and spirituality. But in reality, they're missing the whole boat. They're not grateful. They're takers. Takers are never grateful. They pretend to have gratitude, but they never do.
They'll talk about the book they read, or they'll go and talk about how they believe in abundance and everything else. But, in reality, if they actually believed in abundance, they wouldn't be so fear-based with their children and their life.
It's a sickness.
It's a sickness that people engage in to alienate, and it's full-on lack of gratitude.
But there are a lot of people out there who just don't give a shit about anyone but themselves. Life is all about them 24/7.
Anyway, pass it on to anybody who's alienating their kids from the other parent...
Because eventually it's going to come back and bite them in the ass.
Because - and this is the catch - eventually these kids will get old enough and wonder why mom or dad didn't spend enough time with them when they were younger. What's going to happen is, when they get older, the mom or dad who’s alienated will share everything about the other parent.
Every detail, every alienation, everything.
And you know what? I agree with that. Because the truth needs to be told. The illusion needs to be exposed to the child when they get older.
Because the only way a child's going to learn lessons and break free from the grips of the helicopter parent is to learn the truth one day.
And it's going to hurt the child. It's going to hurt to hear the truth. But, that truth needs to be out when the child is cognizant, because if the truth is not shared...
...the child can repeat the same disgusting behaviors that their parent taught them.
So, for all of you going through it, you'll have your day. Fight for your kids, because they're worth it and they need you.
And remember, when the kids are old enough, and they ask you the question about why you didn't spent enough time with them, that's when you tell the truth.
Because let's say you live 90 years and the kid is 60. The fear-based alienating parents will have maybe the first 10 or 11 years of a kid's life manipulating and controlling them.
And you'll have the last 50 as the parent that the kid goes to and trust, and really understands. Because you are the one who’s grateful. You're actually the one who is willing to share and willing to be fair.
So, your time will come. Your time will come to expose the alienator for exactly who they are.