Are You and Your Partner Incompatible or Refreshingly Different?

Excited or frightened? Good mood or bad mood? Your emotions and moods change as a result of your thinking. If you appreciate the other person's differences then you can work well together.
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Join Sophie Keller in a LIVE VIDEO CHAT @ 2pm EST today, April 6 as she tackles the question: How do your moods affect your relationships? And offers answers to YOUR relationship questions!

My husband loves the middle of a quiche and I love the outside. He hates exercise, I love it. He knows everything there is about music, I know very little. Does that mean that we are incompatible or refreshingly different?

The fact that you may enjoy different ways of doing things to your partner really doesn't matter, so long as you feel close. You will find that if you feel close to your partner, you will decide that you are compatible and in those moments that you feel less close, you will probably feel incompatible. How close you feel will depend on your mood.

No doubt, when my husband is in a good mood, he thinks I'm really loyal. In a bad mood, he probably thinks I'm stubborn. When I am in a good mood, my husband is an optimistic person. When I am in a bad mood, I can easily think he is unrealistic. In a bad mood, my husband probably thinks I am opinionated and in a good mood, he might think I'm expressive.

I remember doing a Fire Walking seminar in England many years ago, whereby a group of us walked across a 12-foot bed of white-hot coals. That experience taught me so much about choice. It took hours of training to teach us how to do it and the psychology behind it. When we were all suitably trained, we all lined up ready to go, across the path of fire.

Just as it was my turn to go, fear overtook me and I scarpered to the back of the line to let some other braver person go before me. I then reached the front of the line once more and fear over took me, and again I "chickened out," so to speak, and went to the back of the line. The third time in the line, I concentrated on shifting my thoughts of fear in to excitement and by the time I got to the front of the line again I was ready to go. The Fire Walking experience was incredible and I was so elated that I walked again twice!

With the fear and subsequently the excitement that I felt, I had the same physiological symptoms, sweaty palms, heart beating fast, dry mouth, shortness of breath etc. But the one major difference was that my thoughts were different. Thoughts always come before a mood and in this instance I really needed time to literally collect my thoughts and change my perception, from being frightened to excited.

Excited or frightened? Good mood or bad mood? You are always breathing and always thinking. Your emotions and moods change as a result of your thinking. If you appreciate the other person's differences and see them as complimentary then you can work well together. If you think you are incompatible, then it is because you aren't appreciating the differences.

If you are in a good mood, you are going to be more optimistic and light-hearted. If you are in a bad mood, you will be more negative and pessimistic. Your moods make you shift perspective. That's why I always say it doesn't matter what your partner does for a living, what hobbies they have or don't have. If you feel intimate and loving, then everything else that your partner does or doesn't do is less important. If you feel close to each other, regardless of your differing interests, you will feel more aligned with what you are doing in the world, physically, materially, spiritually and emotionally.

If you are at odds, it is like pouring tea with a teapot that has holes in it, so the tea mostly pours out of the holes, and the rest trickles out of the spout. Your energies are discombobulated. You don't need to be like your partner, you just need to feel close to them.

Please do make contact with me at where you can see my 'Balanced Life' segments on the KTLA 5 morning show, read more articles, get coaching and ask more questions. Also remember to join me and HuffPost Living for our weekly "Ask Sophie!" at 2pm EST/11am PST on Tuesdays. Where I answer your personal questions and give relationship tips. This week "How Do Your Moods Affect Your Relationships?" Click here to watch the LIVE VIDEO EVENT. Sophie x

Go To Homepage