I am not religious by any means. I have always questioned religion and the dogma attached to it. To me religion has been my conversations with my Creator or God -- you can give him whatever name you want to. However to me, he has been my best friend and confidant. I always laughed at the religious speeches that I heard as tome they always talked about how God has a system of punishing and rewarding us for our actions.
Today however was different. I had to sit through a religious talk, the first half of the talk made me yawn and I checked my Facebook a million times but the second half impacted me in a very intense way.
The speaker told a story and asked a simple question "Are you ready to meet your creator? If you meet him tonight would you feel embarrassed by your actions or would you be proud of how you carried yourself?" I wasn't really able to focus on the rest of the conversation. My mind began to run at 1000 miles an hour.
As I sat there through the talk, I had tears rolling down my face. I got up and left the room and went outside and sat in my car. For some reason I burst out crying, now honestly I have no idea why. My heart was heavy and my brain was going crazy. I got home and started to contemplate my reaction. I have never been affected like this before.
It took me some time but I figured out why the question touched my heart, and here are the reasons why:
1-I felt lost, how could I leave the world when I hadn't even sorted out its mysteries
2-I was created and deemed perfect enough in God's eyes to be put on this earth, yet to myself I was flawed
3-I was allowed to live four decades on the planet, while many others that I know were not given that opportunity but I woke up unhappy each day
4- I wasn't able to actually open my eyes to the blessings of the world, I had been spiritually blind my whole life.
5-I had lived a life of regrets and hadn't been able to live in full gratitude
6-I blamed my Creator so many times for my own stupidity and dumb decisions, I had lied to myself how could I be in His presence and admit that it was always me who was wrong.
7- Would I feel like I was finally home? As on earth I roamed as a lost soul not belonging anywhere, yet this was my home
8- This perfect beautiful healthy body that was given to me , was a constant target of hatred from my own self
So no I wasn't ready to die. But I then I thought ready or not death would come to me, so I had to be prepared for that day and live every day to the fullest. I made a conscious decision to forgive myself for my wrong decisions, try to open my eyes spiritually and actually enjoy this beautiful life. I couldn't live in a walking talking coma, where I was doing all my worldly jobs, yet my heart and soul were not connected. I had to stop being a robot and become a vulnerable open person.
Lets see where this journey takes me , hopefully I will be ready for my Creator when I do meet him !!!