The pop star powerhouse has endured more than her share of heartbreak in the past two years and in the accompanying interview she touches on the deadly Manchester Arena bombing that left her traumatized, her short-lived engagement to Pete Davidson and the death of rapper and ex-boyfriend Mac Miller.
“I’m a person who’s been through a lot and doesn’t know what to say about any of it to myself, let alone the world,” she told the outlet. “I see myself onstage as this perfectly polished, great-at-my-job entertainer, and then in situations like this I’m just this little basket-case puddle of figuring it out.”
Grande is particularly forthcoming about her “all-consuming” grief over Miller, who died of an accidental drug overdose in September 2018, months following their split after two years of dating and many more of friendship.
“By no means was what we had perfect, but, like, fuck. He was the best person ever, and he didn’t deserve the demons he had,” she explained. “I was the glue for such a long time, and I found myself becoming . . . less and less sticky. The pieces just started to float away.”
Since his death, Grande has sought solace in the studio, recording songs that would become anthems of her record-breaking album “thank u, next.”
The 26-year-old said that she was “so drunk” and “so sad” during the studio sessions for the album, which she wrote and recorded in just two weeks in October. But the experience gave her a new perspective about the power of being alone.
“I’ve been boo’d up my entire adult life. I’ve always had someone to say goodnight to. So ‘Thank U, Next’ was this moment of self-realization,” she said. “It was this scary moment of ‘Wow, you have to face all this stuff now. No more distractions. You have to heal all this shit.’”
And, of course, one of those aforementioned boos was the “Saturday Night Live” comedian, whose whirlwind romance with Grande continues to make headlines long after the two called off their engagement following five months of dating.
Grande describes Davidson as an “amazing distraction” at the time but hints that she might be more cautious when love comes knocking the next time around.
“It was frivolous and fun and insane and highly unrealistic, and I loved him, and I didn’t know him,” she explained. “I’m like an infant when it comes to real life and this old soul, been-around-the-block-a-million-times artist. I still don’t trust myself with the life stuff.”
To read Grande’s full interview, head over to Vogue.