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Ashley Madison Hack: What To Tell Your Wife If Your Data's Been Exposed

Hackers have, er, penetrated AshleyMadison.com, a website dedicated to online dating but targeted at married people looking to have affairs.
Michael Levin
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New York Times best selling author Michael Levin writes frequently about arts, culture, business, sports, books, and humor.

New York Times best selling author Michael Levin writes frequently about arts, culture, business, sports, books, and humor.
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Hackers have, er, penetrated AshleyMadison.com, a website dedicated to online dating but targeted at married people looking to have affairs.

The hackers were upset, of all things, over the fact that the website won't delete all of your personal information and photos from its hard drive unless you pay a fee.

So they threatened to expose their members--er, the personal information of people who had joined the site--unless the policy was changed and the fee was revoked.

AshleyMadison, fearing the worst, promptly dropped the fee.

Here are 12 things you can tell your spouse if your private information has been leaked.

  1. "Ashley Madison? Gosh, I thought it was James Madison! I was trying to help Junior with his high school history project!"

  • "Oh, for goodness sakes. I would never do that. A friend signed himself up using my contact information. And then he slept with 17 women, whom he accessed using my AshleyMadison account. All of whom live or work within a 3-mile radius of my office. Using my credit card to pay for hotel rooms, dinner, and Champagne. I told him to stop but he wouldn't. He's such a jerk."

  • "I did it to enhance our marriage. Hello? Hello? Are you still there?"

  • "It was the North Koreans. You know they're out to get me, because I read the Bible so much."

  • "You really think those are my genitals? Nah, they could be anybody's. They all kind of look alike, don't they?"

  • "Come on, I can barely download a movie. You really think I'm smart enough to get on a website like that?"

  • "Didn't you read what I posted as my secret fantasy? Being alone with you. Oh, you read it before I changed it to that? I don't even like chipmunks. Why would I want six chipmunks and a pair of 19-year-old identical twins in a hotel room?"

  • "I think they accessed your profile, too, Ms. Goody Two-Shoes."

  • "I was just testing the site's security. It's a hobby of mine."

  • "It was my birthday. You told me to get whatever I wanted. So I did. Over and over."

  • "I could add you to my profile. You know you want me to."

  • "Sorry."

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