Ask Steve: How Do I Slow Things Down When Dating Online


Dear Steve,
I'm online, and had several nice dates. The problem is, even though I'm 50, it doesn't mean I'll rush into another relationship. I find men my age expect sex, and want it right away, like 2nd date. I'm not flattered. In fact, fighting them off is a turn off and it's making me want to not date. What should I do?

You are a catch! It's not the worst problem I've ever heard to have all these dudes clamoring to start a relationship with you. Still, I hear what you're saying. It can be exhausting to fend off men who want a commitment too soon, and especially annoying to deal with a guy who wants to get intimate long before you're ready. Where have all the gentlemen gone? I promise they're still out there--in every age group--and eager to get to know you. But first you have to dismiss all the frogs who seem to have forgotten how to properly woo a woman.

Be clear about your standards and boundaries right from the start, even before meeting up for that first or second date. Say something like, "I am the type of woman who takes her time getting to know new people, so please don't try to rush me," or "I might like a serious relationship someday, but first I'm just looking for a friend." Men who recognize a quality woman when they see one won't be put off by this kind of information--instead, they'll appreciate your honesty and respect your timetable.

If you find that this kind of subtly isn't working, be even clearer: "I have a rule. I don't jump in the sack with anyone for at least 90 days." If the man you happen to be seeing doesn't like it, you've eliminated one more frog on your journey toward finding a prince. Don't compromise on this one. You know what you want and what you need. If you find yourself repeatedly telling him to SLOW DOWN, the next words out of your mouth might just have to be GET LOST.

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