In the first of this three-part series, I introduced the six types of exes as I have identified them, based on the many types of behaviors that I have seen exes employ: The Intimidator, The Passive Aggressor, The Manipulator, The Terrorist, The Victim and The Cooperator (aka the best kind of ex.) We have already looked at the first two, so let us turn now to these.
The "Manipulator" This ex-spouse is clever, charming and often seductive. This type can lure in their ex, only to pounce or pummel him/her. The Manipulator, similar to the Passive Aggressor, plots and carefully plans control strategies. They can use the children or unsuspecting others (even caregivers, teachers and coaches) in their quest to gain control. I am sure you have heard instances of an ex hiring away a nanny (for more money) -- someone who was thought to be a loyal employee. Manipulators are adroit, and they never seem to run out of ploys to get what they want. It is best to stay clear of their grenades when they are symbolically tossed for they can cause sometimes irreparable damage to one's psyche.
The "Terrorist" This type of ex is usually quite vocal and obvious about his/her intentions to assert or gain control. The Terrorist often makes open threats -- physical, mental and emotional -- and can act on them. Terrorists should be watched carefully and taken seriously, for they tend to be fiendish and compulsive about maintaining control. They may threaten to turn you in to the IRS, tell the children your darkest secrets, or even suggest that they will kill you. Do not ever let this type think they can control you. Stay strong and calm, always, no matter what attack they launch. Stay safe: if you feel you are in physical danger, do not hesitate to seek assistance, and I mean immediately.
Excerpt can be found in my book -
DIVORCE: It's All About Control -- How to Win the Emotional, Psychological and Legal Wars