AT&T Apologizes for Luke Wilson Ads

AT&T this morning apologized for their advertising series featuring once-credible actor Luke Wilson. The ads, which began in early November, show Wilson awkwardly touting the company's 3G network -- which the company admits would be difficult role for any actor, given the network's terrible reputation.

An AT&T spokesperson issued the following statement:

We're sorry for this whole 'Luke Wilson thing.' We didn't realize he would mail-in his performance with the enthusiasm of an angsty teenage boy forced to tell his mom about his day at school -- even if our network is hard to sell with any semblance of real passion.

The company had tried to lure other actors to sign on as spokespeople, including George Clooney, Tom Cruise and Anthony Michael Hall. Clooney's handlers responded to our inquiry with a terse email: "Clooney dropped the iPhone after his calls were dropped one too many times. Also, Clooney doesn't do marbles falling on his head."

The AT&T spokesperson admitted it was difficult to find someone -- anyone -- to sing the network's praises, even for cash.

She said:

AT&T has no 'indie cred.' We're a massive blue chip corporation with interests in defeating most everything the independent arts, film and music movement stand for, like Net Neutrality. That said, we never realized how difficult it would be to make our sub-par product, and our sub-par company, appear better than it is.

AT&T had hoped Luke Wilson's deadpan delivery as a monotone slacker in films like My Super Ex-Girlfriend and Idiocracy were actually not the extent of his range as an actor. The company now regrets not just letting the falling marbles on the maps speak for themselves.

When asked why the company doesn't simply improve its public image by investing in its networks, offering better prices and supporting public policies like Net Neutrality, the spokesperson responded with a blank stare, and then this undecipherable last sentence: "AT&T is best known for what it does best, and is going to keep it that way."