It’s that time of year! The ocean has warmed up and summer feels like it is in full effect because, lol, IT IS. If you live in Los Angeles, where I reside, you can feel the pace of traffic has meaningfully slowed down and dare I say, it’s even pleasant. There’s a peaceful connectedness and yet, in a few weeks, I’m going to blink and then BOOM! The fact is that August, and even July, have become the new September. Here’s a state by state map of the United States that demonstrates how the once universally “start school right after Labor Day weekend” are offically a thing of the past.
It’s the perfect time to take a breath and prepare for the new school year.
But before you dive into this, or perhaps even try to skim it as fast as possible, like so many of us do in an effort to get more in, I’d like to set the tone for where this quick tip piece is going: may be this is the week, THE YEAR you decide you deserve these few minutes of being fully present and you pause with me for a moment, as I promise I will keep you on the 300 second reading tip track. Close your eyes for a three count of 1-2-3. We are visual beings. When we close our eyes, and shut down that sensory, we feel more, which creates more awareness.
Be aware of that power that’s readily at your fingertips at any time. It is a small pause but a major step towards self-care, the art of positive adulting if you will! So well done. BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT. This is where we begin.
Also, always please remember that YOU are an expert in your life. I’m an expert in skills and research I’ve learned; I’m simply sharing my data. Everything we discuss here can of course be tailored to your family’s needs.
As a mental health practitioner, a mother to teen boy and girl twins and a preschool teacher, I’ve come across a bit of research centered on wellbeing and development. And what I have learned, what the data indicates, is that the tone of a household, how children will react to the world is learned and honed with repetition but is also largely set by examples provided by the primary caretaker, the individuals that spend the most time with your children. So taking care of you first is where that tone begins today as our primary goal with collateral effects that will benefit your whole family!
Today we are creating self-care kits first for you and then with your child and/or children.
HOW TO CREATE SELF-CARE KITS WITH YOUR FAMILY
A. First, please complete your own self-care kit for you, the parent or primary caretaker by first setting aside a half hour to write out your list of your top 10 activities that bring you peace, calm and joy. It’s important that once you complete the list you readily have it on hand; I like to print mine out and keep it in my wallet. Any time you feel like things have gotten too much, simply look at your list and take action and commit to completing one. Ideally, you are doing at least one of these activities per day.
Here’s my list to help give you a better idea of how you can create your own:
1. Listen to sounds of the ocean while I work: A 2015 study found that listening to the ocean produced increased productivity as well as rapid, positive emotional change as well as lowered stress levels including heart rate. Here’s the study: http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/1937586715619741. Moreover, today you don’t need to purchase a sound machine to make that happen for you. Here’s an online link to ocean sounds at no cost: https://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/oceanNoiseGenerator.php There are also apps you can download for your phone like Ocean Wave sounds has been highly reviewed: https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/ocean-wave-sounds-for-sleep-and-relaxation/id590198818?mt=8 Maybe start that play list now so you can be more productive and enjoy this project more starting right now.
2. My go to is to call a friend to vent. Create a buddy system with that friend that lets her/him know I need what I call a PV Moment=Parental Vent Moment. Some times I’ll add that it might even be considered a not PCPV lol (possibly not politically correct parental vent moment). It’s OK. There’s such power in just saying what you need to say to someone that will not judge you. Establish those guidelines. Alternatively, may be you choose to schedule a once a week dinner, lunch, coffee or breakfast with a friend. May be you choose one day of the week you can regularly do this. Both of you can pull out your calendar today and make it happen. It can be as little as 30 minutes. Taking action is absolutely a component of self-care.
3. Take 15 minutes to meditate. If you have trouble meditating alone, simply google your city and find a local group or even think about starting one on a website such as www.meetup.com. A 2015 study via Harvard has proven that you will absolutely heal your brain doing so: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/inspired-life/wp/2015/05/26/harvard-
neuroscientist-meditation-not-only-reduces-stress-it-literally-changes-your-brain/.
There are also meditation apps you can download for free.
4. I commit to set my timer on my phone while I’m working and then reward myself with 10 minute to a few hours “no phone use “breaks after each goal is accomplished. On my shorter breaks, it can be pleasant to just look at pictures of room designs in a magazine I enjoy. Buy or borrow that magazine today. Or find a website that makes your happy. Here’s a website from National Geographic that contains nothing but pictures of baby animals: http://animals.nationalgeographic.com/animals/photos/baby-animals/#/baby-harp-seal_230_600x450.jpg. Taking a break from the news has also been helpful as an alternative.
5. Practice Progressive Muscle Relaxation for 5 minutes at my desk. Here’s a description how to as well as other relaxation options via the Mayo Clinic: http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/relaxation-technique/art-20045368?pg=2
6. Identify a song that gets you dancing instantly and have it readily available. Mine is “September” by Earth Wind and Fire. If I could have it my way we’d have dance offs/sing alongs at work for 5 minutes a day. Try it alone and see how you feel after! In general, I select songs with positive beats and positive lyrics if I can. Music is poetry set to music and has been proven to instantaneously improve well-being and positive mood shift.
7. Go to the library and check out a book on poetry or find some favorite poems or website that speak to you readily available. A 2017 study found that poetry measurably enhances our emotional well being and lights up the reward centers of our brain: https://academic.oup.com/scan/article/3778354/The-emotional-power-of-poetry-neural-circuitry
8. Go for a 10-minute walk. Bring your sneakers to work and just DO IT. If you have a dog to walk, even better. Pets are now being sought after in a variety of capacities to measurably increase wellness. A 2016 study via found that dogs measurably impact happiness: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/canine-corner/201607/stop-the-presses-dog-owners-are-happier. Perhaps you carve out time to walk the dogs at a local shelter? Doing for others always increases happiness and has even been found to play a role in lifting people out of depression. When we give, we feel good.
9. Go to the 99-cent store; buy crayons and a coloring book and color for 20 minutes or paints and have those on hand for when you need art to escape. Studies have also found that art is curative. If you don’t have a museum near you, google a museum you have always wanted to visit and view their collections online.
10. Write out a gratitude list and have it readily on hand to review. Write out a new list. A 2011 Harvard study affirms that focusing on feelings of being grateful increases happiness. Here’s the study: http://www.health.harvard.edu/newsletter_article/in-praise-of-gratitude.
Please notice that all of my choices did not cost much money nor require more than 15 minutes per activity. Notice also my list includes specifics and opportunities to interact socially. Why? Because study after study has proven that setting specific goals not only increases wellbeing and happiness but social ties, seeing your friend in person is consistently a protective factor. Finally, it might be nice to pick up a container to round out your self care kit so that all of your items are in one place. Having one for your home and your office might also be beneficial and a convenient way to stay on track. Again, do what works for you; it’s always OK to tweak your plan as you go!
B. Once you’ve completed your list, pick a day of the week to meet weekly with your child or children for a 15-minute slot in which you will review with your child your list (if you choose to) and go over how his/her Self Care List can be achieved with your help. Who knows you may even find you want to do some of these activities together or can coordinate with another parent to complete with a friend of theirs. In my family, I have found our best time is right after Sunday dinner because it allows for all of us to look at the week ahead. No matter how much technology enters our life, please know that humans will always need in person interaction with other humans to thrive so connecting with your children even for just 15 minutes a day can have huge gains. Please also allow your child to make solution suggestions as self determinism is also very important to feeling successful and happy according to the 2017 United Nations World Happiness Report: http://worldhappiness.report
C. Agree that your once a week 15-minute meeting will discuss what you specifically did for your self-care this week and what you are changing or adding. Brainstorming together can be great fun. A 2015 report via Harvard University (LINK) found that commitment increases goal completion success and that commitment begets a key element of success: CONSISTENCY. Here’s the study: http://hilt.harvard.edu/files/hilt/files/settinggoals.pdf
In the words of Albert Einstein, “It’s not that I’m smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.”
The aforementioned activities may help relieve what has been labeled Summer Brain Drain and are great habits to get on your radar! The earlier you begin these discussions with your children, the easier it will be to have this be a norm in your family. Generally speaking, please do note that younger children have shorter attention spans because their brains have simply not been developed enough with age/life experiences to sit for long periods so please be kind to yourself and to your little one. As always, you know what will work best for your family!
If you feel overwhelmed with carrying out these tasks and would like a neutral party to help get you started, feel free to contact a mental health practitioner for a few sessions to get yourself on track. Sometimes a neutral voice is just what the doctor ordered. Good habits take practice and mental health therapists today have gone beyond talk therapy and can sit with you and your child, and/or co-parent in a nonjudgmental and safe environment to help your family measurably achieve the goals you seek!
Finally, please remember we are each already a masterpiece and a work in progress all at once! Bravo for taking time today to focus on your wellbeing, which will always benefit your family too!
I have a variety of topics I will be sharing in the coming weeks such as technology, social media, family time, house chores, boundaries, co parent tips, sleep debt, how to connect more with your child and more! If you have any requests, please feel free to write me at tania.bradkin@gmail.com and I will do my best to gage your interests and needs!
Tania Bradkin can be found at: @TaniaBradkin on Twitter, @TaniaBradkin on Instagram and at: https://www.facebook.com/tania.bradkin on Facebook. Follow Tania Bradkin on Twitter: www.twitter.com/TaniaBradkin