When I read that the House of Representatives was going to vote on a resolution honoring Christmas and Christianity, I cannot tell you how happy I was! I sprang from my seat and ran to the CVS, ready to celebrate the headline I was sure to read on the Washington Post: "United States Congress Solves All Extant Problems Facing The Nation: Members Exult, 'Hey, Let's Just Hang Out And Pass Us Some Nonsense!'"
Well, as you probably already know, this wasn't the case. No, the abovementioned resolution, presented by Representative Peter King, was just some high-toned babble about the imaginary "War" on Christmas. This pretend "war" has become an annual fiesta of pure, indulgent grandstanding, and it's served only to defame those who have actually faced bona-fide religious persecution. Here in America, there exist no pogroms, no re-education camps, no dens of lions. In fact, Christianity is and has always been the big winner in America's religious sweepstakes, and Christians have enjoyed a two-centuries-plus run of political dominance that shows no sign of abating.
Why the "war?" Well, as near as I can tell, being the top-dog, religion-wise, just isn't good enough for some people. There apparently exist adherents who are so feckless and inconstant in their faith, that nothing short of constant validation will do. So when one of these lesser lights walks into Walgreens and hears "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas And Praise Be To You Who Were Smart Enough To Practice The Best Religion Ever!" something inside these adherents' psyches snaps, breaks, and they come to develop an insane persecution complex.
That's the driver behind Peter King's resolution, and the Fox And Friends gang are only too happy to give him a venue to spout utter bosh:
REP. KING: Last October there was a resolution -- it might have been September -- a resolution honoring Ramadan. And then a resolution came to honor Diwali -- that's a celebration that recognizes four Indian religions, including Hindu.
MR. NAPOLITANO: Right.
REP. KING: And as I looked at that, I recognized that we're a Christian nation founded on Christian principles, and we're coming up to Christmastime, while we're watching a lot of the activists -- the liberal activists, the secularists in this country who are trying to eradicate Christ from Christmas and going so far that if we've associated Santa Claus and Christmas trees with Christ, they want to take that out of the public square, too.
What planet is Peter King living on? Here in godless Washington, DC, Christmas decorations started going up in the middle of October! Santa Claus was pushed right smack dab into the middle of the public square - Herald Square, in heathen New York City, to be precise - on Thanksgiving Day! Just last week, Linus Van Pelt recited the Gospel of Luke on national, network television!
REP. KING: It's time we stood up and said so and said to the rest of America, "Be who you are, and be confident, and let's worship Christ and let's celebrate Christmas for the right reasons."
MR. DOOCY: Gotcha. It's extraordinary, though, Congressman, it would take a year for -- first they recognize Hinduism and then Islam, and everybody just sat around for a year and kind of said, "Well, we'll get around to Christianity eventually."
MR. NAPOLITANO: (Laughs.) "One of these days."
One of these days? Why you'd think Christianity has been toiling in unjust obscurity all this while!
Of course, there's only one reason that Peter King and Fox's gaggle of poltroons have gathered here to discuss this, and that's to exult in the threadbare political calculus this resolution achieved. Nine Democrats in the House voted against the resolution, and Steve Doocy gleefully ticks them off name by name. "It was all Democrats, and some of the more liberal Democrats in the Congress that came out and voted no," King says, apparently unaware that a more accurate way of looking at this is that the overwhelming majority of liberal Democrats support Christmas and Christianity.
Still, King wonders about those who voted no: "I would be very interested in their rationale." Oh, would you now? Maybe these nine Democrats simply recognized that the resolution itself was not actually inspired by an authentic, sincere concern that Christianity was in trouble! But where could they have gotten that idea.
REP. KING: I would not have brought this resolution if they hadn't brought the Ramadan and the Diwali resolutions.
Exactly. Poor Representative King just needed some Congressionally-approved validation. Forgive him, Lord, he knows not what he--well, let's just leave it at "he knows not."