In an age where the presidential election leads to cringe-worthy dinner chatter, I feel slightly unabashed admitting I chose Real Housewives over the initial debates. What also consoles me is the number of savvy, quick-witted comedians who are willing to weigh in on Bachelor in Paradise, or the way that show reveled in its own cheesiness (see video below). But as I mislead you to think I'm actually embarrassed by my TV viewing choices - as a 42 year old mom of four who enjoys classic books (currently on my night table: To Kill a Mockingbird, which my son thought was about Twitter) and is trying to tackle the Common Core - if you've read any of my articles, you know I watch Vanderpump Rules, The Real Housewives, Southern Charm, Bachelor in Paradise and more. I don't take any of these shows, or myself, too seriously when I watch. My sister and I like to say that any reality TV show we undertake is watched by us "ironically." We couldn't talk to any fans who just don't get how ridiculous these shows are and aren't cracking jokes while applying "life lessons" (well, there are some...) to off-camera reality. So when I connected with Ashley Iaconetti, who looks like a svelte version of Kim Kardashian with incredible makeup and extended lashes and who was on the The Bachelor and two seasons of Bachelor in Paradise, I immediately click with her over the phone. Known for being the only 27 (now 28) year old virgin on the oversexed Bachelor, a series that reaches climax when "fantasy suite" cards are accepted (contests can opt to forgo individual suites for a shared one), Ashley really stood out for her own appreciation of the show's ironies and that of her on-TV persona. While in real life, she's smart, funny and holds both a Bachelors and a Masters in Broadcast Journalism, "Kardashly" became known for her emotional moments, crying before the cameras, being very focused on her impeccable makeup and getting too hung up on a pretty guy named Jared. Trust me when I say, after more than an hour spent on the phone, there is more to Ashley I. than meets the eye.
I begin my interview wanting to know her thoughts on the next Bachelor, Nick Viall, a former “villain” of the series (In other words: a practical, cynical, analytical, honest-to-a-fault and seemingly immune guy to the charm of getting engaged in a few short weeks that includes a consultation with famed jeweler Neil Lane and engagement rings). Nick previously appeared on 2 episodes of The Bachelorette as well as last season's Bachelor In Paradise, notoriously always leaving without the girl. However, I become more interested in Ashley I. than The Bachelor as we converse (there were 2 Ashleys during her season of The Bachelor so the "I" in the show credits stuck). In the following interview, we cover the Unreal versus what actually transpired onset, Ashley's tears over Jared and the "Emotional Revolution" she's trying to bring, one that I feel Millennials missed out on when Rosie Grier sang "It's Alright to Cry" on the Free to Be You and Me album (intended for my generation). Hopefully, in today's world, the message will resonate more powerfully than it did while Nick Viall and I were growing up (as Ashley is quick to note to me: At age 36, Nick is not a Millennial, making him somewhat of an older and wiser big brother in a family of former Bachelor cast mates).
SW: I've noticed in your post Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise interviews that you have a good sense of humor... about yourself and your portrayal on TV as well as regarding the franchise itself.
AI: Oh good! You 'GET' that! A lot of people don't, so I'm always glad when that message is conveyed to people. You see me crying a lot on these shows but you also see that I 'laugh-cry' because although I do get really emotional and I AM emotional, I'm aware of how insane it all must look to viewers.
SW: And you're smart. I noticed your vocabulary was a bit more polished than some of your fellow contestants and was tempted to tweet about it at one point. You have a Bachelors and a Masters degree in broadcast journalism and have your own company (E & S Media Creations, http://www.eandsmediacreations.com/). You have a lot going on. Are you doing more reality TV?
AI: I'm off to to Vegas tomorrow for filming of Ben and Lauren's special. They're an amazing couple and I see Ben as THE PERFECT GUY. It's crazy how I have a ton of events in the next 2 weeks alone - After Vegas, I'm going to Vancouver for a Canadian Bachelor live show, then I come back to LA briefly and jet off to Road Island for an event with Jared --
SW: Ah - Jared! So I heard Patti Stanger was trying to match you up on her show, but chewed you out about Jared. I find her to be really brutal and she seems like a female misogynist based on the things she says. What was your experience with her like?
AI: it was BRUTAL. AWFUL. When you watch it, no surprise, you'll see me cry. Jared and I are at a good place now where we really ARE just good friends and Patti doesn't understand that I can't just cut him out. We're hired to do appearances together and we do have to see each other, but despite the fact that I HAD feelings, we had a solid friendship underneath that and now as friends, we both really understand each other. In fact, just the other night I had an issue with a guy and I sought Jared's advice as the person who really gets me and can advise me on romantic matters from a male viewpoint. Despite what Patti was trying to do, I can't cut him out like that and interacting with her - As you can imagine, she's NOT warm and fuzzy, she's intimidating...it was a really frustrating, negative experience for me.
SW: So Nick's the next Bachelor and on Bachelor in Paradise, we see him giving you some tough advice about letting Jared go. You still seem to be friends with him, unlike Patti Stanger -
AI: Well, when he was first talking to me as you see on TV, I was actually getting angry BUT I know it comes from a good place and it's tough love. On B.I.P., he's a brother figure to me and the twins. This whole group is like my sorority and I'm someone who wasn't always the "cool girl", which you can also see by how I don't hide my emotions. Being that this is my crew now, it's easier to date within this group. I went in with a plan and I actually had had a talk with Nick before going on the show. So I felt prepared going in. Nick and I met a while back through our Bachelor friends when I hung out with J.J. and Jared - he came along and we all went out together. I told Nick before going on B.I.P. that I wanted to give things with Wells a chance. I also really made it known to producers that I hoped Wells would be there. I thought that if things went well with Wells, it would be easier to get over Jared. Reviewing things in my mind beforehand and knowing Jared’s taste in women, I didn't think any of them would be his type. I was caught off-guard when I came in and Jared was with Caila because I hadn't accounted for that in my pre-B.I.P. strategy. When Nick talks to me about it on camera, you see what he’s authentically about - that he's a straight shooter with good intentions and I know his intentions.
SW: Before we discuss Nick as Bachelor (my original purpose of this interview), I need to get some details about 'behind the scenes" of the Bachelor and how it compares to the Lifetime show Unreal, a drama that seems to spoof or exaggerate the experience to epic proportions.
AI: I have an interesting relationship with that show. The first 3 episodes of the first season really resonated with me. It just got too crazy, but such a great show. This past season I was watching it after I got back from Paradise and I was more aware of how manipulative producers are - in my own experience. I love the producers but they know what to say and what to do to provoke certain reactions. This part of Unreal is very accurate! Just like they have their mental health professional onset, we had a psychiatrist and a nurse who gives you your meds in a VERY CONTROLLED way. I was on medicine for my skin and I remember the controlled aspect of the medicine (administration) being a big deal onset and that fear about how medicine could affect behavior for filming.
SW: I also imagine that you'd be very emotional on little sleep and the free flowing wine.
AI: Yes! You can drink as much or as little as you want. Some people didn't drink - Brit didn't, the twins didn't. I rarely drank myself, but I'm admittedly emotional sober. My sister and I have started a campaign to bring awareness to emotions ("Emotional Revolution") with regard to dating. We asked Nick to give some great dating advice and he weighed in (which you can check out on my website). Being away from texting in the environment of the Bachelor shows and being around people physically without distractions really forces you to look at the importance of good old fashioned communication, not the way it's done today electronically and with texts replacing talks. I wanted to bring this awareness that it's OK to be emotionally intuitive and expressive because why not make something positive out of becoming known to viewers as "the virgin that cries a lot"? I don't think we need to be emotionally shaming people. I think it would be crazy if I weren't reacting after they put me in a lot of these intense situations with different variables and types of manipulations.
SW: I've heard you discuss how being a virgin has become a burden when dating now.
AI: I didn't intend for it to become the focus for this long, but now it's not that I necessarily WANT to be a virgin anymore, and I wish it didn't have to become a big deal and scare guys off. I mean, I'm picky and I don't just need any guy, but at this point I’m a virgin by default - Guys are scared of that idea of being your 'first' and it scares them off in some way that hinders forming a real relationship. I wish it was no big deal, but I've been on TV, I'm discussing now (laughs), so what do I do? I can't exactly take it back! But is it too much to ask for a kind, cute guy who GETS me, who I connect with, who appreciates me and is not hung up on sexual experience (or a lack thereof)?
SW: Wells seemed to like you for you and didn't appear to be too hung up on your virginity. Did things end for you in Paradise?
AI: uh....no, it actually didn't end in Paradise. We continued to hang out after that. I met up with him in Nashville and continued to feel things out. Then it ended about 2 to 3 weeks later. (In Sex & The City terms) Jared was my Aiden, Wells was my Berger and there's a Mr. Big - unknown to viewers - who has popped in and out of my life and that's all I'll say on that.
SW: What should we expect from Nick as The Bachelor? What type of woman do you see him with and do you think there will there be an engagement at the end?
AI: He's different than any other Bachelor - definitely less whimsical about the whole thing and not one to get swept off his feet. Well...he did try to propose twice before on The Bachelorette (the two seasons he was on) and both were exceptional, one-of-a kind women. Nick is very discerning and he’s cynical. He needs a Catherine Zeta Jones - someone sophisticated and worldly, someone unexpected who impresses him and challenges him. He's very strong and will probably be one step ahead of the producers, which is very difficult to accomplish! But I'm sure he's considered it going in and will remain strong with the challenges that are thrown his way by production. I'm thinking that there may not be a traditional ending with Nick as compared to prior Bachelors.
[Ashley I. talks about the Emotional Revolution here https://byashleyi.com/2016/09/20/has-texting-ruined-relationships/ and is in talks for future projects related to this concept. For all other Ashley Iaconetti info (that skin! That makeup), see https://byashleyi.com/. For more information on The Bachelor, see www.ABC.com]
