Back to the Future: Love Trumps All

Huffington Post needs this brilliant satire by Heather Frank.

"Back to the Future screenwriter Bob Gale has revealed that Donald Trump was the inspiration for Marty McFly's arch nemesis Biff Tannen."-- Variety, October 21, 2015

Now that Trump has virtually joined the cast, I wonder what might have happened if his Princess Diana blast from the past fantasy had actually come true?

It could have been huge...

Sitting in their rustic living room with the world's most powerful couple at their iconic Double D farm, it's impossible to believe that Donald and Diana Trump almost didn't happen. But it's true. Now, for the first time, the Trumps reveal the truth about the first moments of their fairy tale love story, exclusively to Medium.

"When Charles and I finally divorced in August 1996, the last thing on my mind was remarriage," says Mrs. Trump, gazing up at her husband with her unmistakable, steady blue eyes. "Of course, I had known and admired Donald for ages, but the timing just never seemed right for us. And as ridiculous as it sounds now, the idea of the former Princess of Wales marrying an American -- let alone the famous Donald Trump -- just seemed too far-fetched."

At the time, Donald's second marriage to Marla Maples Trump was foundering; the former couple announced their split in May 1997, leaving Donald free to openly court Diana. Still, the princess was skittish about encouraging her handsome and powerful suitor. "I had my boys to think about, first and foremost, and I still worried far t00 much about the press and public opinion," she admits. "But I also knew, deep in my heart of hearts, that I had met my match."

Donald and Diana began talking on the phone for hours each night, cautiously imagining a future together. While he eagerly looked forward to seeing her in New York at the Christie's auction of her gowns, which would raise $4.5 million for AIDS and cancer research, Trump fretted that the high-profile occasion and the attendant media circus would make it impossible for the couple to have any quality time together. So he hatched a plan to close the most important deal of his life. Now it can be told that he did so with the help of two women regarded by the Trumps as the "fairy godmothers" of their romance: Hillary Clinton and Mother Teresa.

"I knew I really needed to up the ante with this one," Donald laughs as he strokes Diana's hand, grazing the famous 87-carat Trump diamond with his fingertips. "I called Hillary, who by the way owed me a really big favor, and I asked her to invite Diana to the White House to put in a good word for me. Then I called Mother Teresa, who was really just a super-super good friend -- my daughter Ivanka is always quoting her on her website -- and said, 'Can you help me out here, Terri?' and of course, she said yes."

And so Diana made, what was advertised at the time, a visit to the US to raise funds for landmine victims. On June 18, 1997, she was in Washington with then-First Lady Hillary Clinton. "Hillary was so adorable," says Diana, "We pretended like we were touring the White House with the photographers trailing behind us, but as soon as they left we just curled up on the couch upstairs in the private residence and had some serious girl talk. Hillary told me how much loves Donald and what a great guy he is -- what a fantastic dad, which obviously spoke to me -- and what an incredible humanitarian. I told her that I was so deeply attracted to Donald, but that I felt burdened by the past and my duty to the monarchy. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "Every moment wasted looking back, keeps us from moving forward." At this, Diana dabs at her eyes and takes a deep breath before going on, "I resolved then and there to trust my instincts, to go on with my life, and be open to Donald's love and the promise of a new day."

While in Washington, Diana worried that she would spill the beans about her budding relationship with Donald. Old friends -- and sometime Trump business rivals -- Barry Diller, Warren Buffett and Teddy Forstmann kidded her about her love life over dinner at Washington Post publisher Katharine Graham's. "I felt myself blushing as they started matchmaking for me, terrified that they'd bring up Donald's name. I have a terrible poker face. They asked me who I thought was the 'sexiest man alive' and all I could think of to say was, 'Bill Clinton.'" Just then, Donald interjects firmly, "They were all at our wedding and there were some very funny toasts about that comment. But I know the truth, every day."

After another late-night, heartfelt call with Donald -- in the same time zone, at least -- Diana headed for New York and the loving wisdom of Mother Teresa. "Terri suggested we take a walk through the Bronx together," Diana explains. "We held hands and talked quietly as we walked through blighted streets where her Missionaries of Charity nuns were doing so much good work to ease the lives of the poor." At the time, it was reported that Diana and Mother Teresa talked about the young princes and Third World poverty as they strolled, but Diana now admits, "Terri and I talked about Donald and all we could be for each other. She really opened my eyes to the possibility that I could have a loving marriage, a secure future and a partner at my side who could help me make the world great again."

And so it was that Donald, disguised as a British Airways steward, secretly met Diana on the tarmac at JFK and sealed the biggest deal of his life.

Back in England, Diana took charge of her future and prepared her sons for a new chapter. She said goodbye to the heart surgeon with whom she'd had a on-off romance and canceled plans to join Harrod's department store owner, Egyptian businessman Mohamed Al-Fayed, and his family for a summer cruise.

When Diana returned to New York for the triumphant auction of her gowns, she shed her past and embraced her future. There was a sensation at Christie's as she arrived on the arm of her true love, Donald Trump.

"She may have been a princess," says Trump fondly, "But I'm her knight in shining armor and I can live with that."

While some have speculated that Donald Trump might be the country's president someday, he says that being the future "King Father" is more than enough for him. Besides he says, he and Diana firmly back the candidacy of their dear friend and "fairy godmother," Hillary Clinton. "I have to give that to her," says Trump. "She is a really terrific person despite what people say."

And so, as Donald Trump wrote in his 1997 book, "The Art of the Comeback, In Case You Need One, Which I Do Not,"

"I only have one thing to say in the women department -- I am the man who won Lady Diana Spencer once and for all.

"I met her on a number of occasions. I couldn't help but notice how she moved people.

"She lit up the room with her charm, her presence. She was a genuine princess, a dream lady. And now, she's Mrs. Trump. "

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