Last week, I had one of those days. You know, the ones where you wish you could just press “reset” and start all over. I thought to myself several times throughout the day “Lord, why did you allow me to become a mom again?” I had several moments of questioning, “Can I do this? Can I do it all?”
It was a bad day. I felt like the worst mom on the planet. I had to keep reminding myself, it’s a bad day, not a bad mom.
Looking back now, it was really not even that bad of a day. Isn’t that how most of our "horrible days" are?
The thing that set the day up to be horrible, was the fact that our son got his first ‘boo boo’ and it was all my fault. He is 7 months old and isn’t quite crawling yet, so it’s not like he can get into that much stuff by himself. As a the mother of a boy, I know that boo boos and "ouchies" are inevitable. I just didn’t think that his first one would happen at 7 months old. I really didn’t think it would be my fault. I’m the careful one. I’m the level-headed one. I’m the mama bear.
Then, it just happened. A good day, turned bad. I had my laptop sitting on a pillow on our bed. Our 7-month-old was sitting on the bed, propped up with a pillow. I walked into the bathroom in our room, turned around and he had the TV remote in his mouth. I grabbed the remote and then it happened.
He lunged forward toward the remote, but instead his forehead caught the corner of my laptop. Silence. Then tears and crying. I grabbed him up and consoled him, the realized he had an indention on his forehead where the corner of the laptop caught him and a scratch near it. I’m a bad mom! That’s the first thought that popped into my head.
What if I had just moved the laptop? What if I hadn’t walked into the bathroom? What if I had just put him in his swing? What if he had hit his eye on the corner? What if? Of course, it wasn’t a bad injury and the next day you couldn’t even tell it had happened. The what if’s nearly broke my heart that day.
Deep down, I knew it wasn’t true. The Lord gave me this little one to care for. He gave me the knowledge and desire to be a good mom. It was a bad day. That doesn’t mean I’m a bad mom. A bad day, not a bad mom.
No matter where you are in life, I can assure you that you will struggle with feelings of being a bad _____. A bad student. A bad wife. A bad daughter. A bad co-worker. A bad friend. Today I want to remind you, if you are in Christ, you may fail, you may struggle… but you are exactly where He has put you.
For more from Allison, you can visit her blog at www.lovinglivinglancaster.com.