
People were sliced down the middle over a tweet which called the act of cutting bagels into slices like a loaf a bread a âSt. Louis secret.â Weâll spare you all the gory details, but suffice to say the words âfelony,â âashamedâ and âcrimeâ came into play.
This great bagel debate is hardly the first of its kind. Itâs hardly even the first in a full year. But it got us here at HuffPost thinking about other âcrimesâ against the doughy, delicious globes of gluten.
Is toasting a fresh bagel a felony? Is messing with too much cream cheese a misdemeanor?
A very scientific poll of our newsroom narrowed down the worst possible bagel offenses out there. From there, we called on some very special experts, whose bagels rank among the best out there, to weigh in, too.
They are:
1. Slicing bagels like bread.
Jeff Zalaznick, co-owner of Major Food Group, which owns Sadelleâs in New York: Crime. Eli Zabar in New York City cuts them the other way, itâs called Tower of Bagel. Thatâs the version I enjoy eating.
Dianna Daoheung, executive chef at Black Seed Bagels in New York: No real opinion on that, except that I can see the appeal for parties or if you just want a taste. Itâs like a bagel chip but not as crisp.
2. Sweet flavored cream cheese on a bagel.
Chris Pugliese, owner, operator and founder of Tompkins Square Bagels in New York: Weâre known for that, so weâre all for it, we donât judge. Some of the sweeter bagels go well with them, so I donât think thatâs a crime.
Zalaznick: Crime. But I love a good cream cheese and jelly or butter and jelly sandwich.
Daoheung: At Black Seed we donât have any sweet bagels, so Iâm all for it if you want to add anything sweet to the mix.
3. Cynthia Nixonâs cinnamon raisin with lox bagel order.
Pugliese: Iâve seen much worse. We see things that just blow my mind. Egg sandwiches with jelly. Saturday and Sunday morning a lot of our customers are hungover putting anything on there to sober up â all grease and fat, bacon and sausage and eggs and home fries all on one bagel.
Zalaznick: Thatâs personal for me because when I first started dating my wife we went out and she put whitefish on a cinnamon raisin bagel and I thought that was the craziest thing Iâd ever seen. So Iâve been living with this for a long time, itâs not as shocking to me.
Daoheung: As much hate as she got for this, Iâve seen way crazier sandwiches (like almond butter with salmon and onion). I think bagel shops should be welcoming for all tastes. I personally wouldnât have done that, but I can see the appeal of sweet and savory.
4. Rainbow bagels.
Pugliese: We donât do rainbow bagels. I guess everyone has to draw the line somewhere â we try to keep the bagels themselves traditional.
Zalaznick: Horrible crime.
Daoheung: You will never see one at Black Seed as long as Iâm running it. I appreciate the craftsmanship behind the idea, but not for Black Seed.
5. Toasting a fresh bagel.
Pugliese: Worst, worst crime of all the crimes, like send out the special force unit, the goon squad, to carry you away. When you toast a hot bagel that just came out of the oven at 550 degrees youâre basically cooking it twice so when you bite into it, youâre biting into a brick.
Zalaznick: No problem.
Daoheung: If they are still warm out of the oven, then no. There is nothing better than a straight out of the oven bagel.
6. Not toasting a bagel.
Pugliese: I get that people want their bagel hot and crunchy and if itâs not, I totally get it.
Zalaznick: No problem, not a crime. Thatâs a valid personal preference.
7. Whole wheat bagels.
Pugliese: I think theyâre great.
Zalaznick: I guess ... misdemeanor.
8. Scooping out a bagel.
Pugliese: I get why people do it but sometimes it drives me a little crazy [Laughs]. Itâs the best part, itâs what makes the bagel. If you donât like the doughy inside you should go get a piece of bread or a roll.
Zalaznick: Crime.
Daoheung: We donât scoop our bagels as theyâre not your typical oversized NYC bagels. But I do see the appeal if youâre getting a huge bagel.
9. Frozen bagels.
Pugliese: Thatâs a crime. Yeah, thatâs a crime.
Zalaznick: Unfortunate.
10. Starbucks / Dunkinâ Donuts bagels.
Pugliese: If I had a dollar for every person who came in with a cup of Starbuck or Dunkinâ Donuts coffee and I always joke with them and say, âYou just couldnât do that bagel, could you?â Thatâs how bad they are. Almost as equal a crime as toasting.
Zalaznick: Never had one so I canât comment. They could be good! I donât know.
Daoheung: I have honestly never had one in my life.
11. Flagels.
Pugliese: I mean, itâs just smushed. Itâs no more or less dough. I think people sometimes think theyâre eating less calories but theyâre just pushed down. Misdemeanor.
Zalaznick: I actually like them but only from one place â Goldbergâs in the Hamptons.
Daoheung: I love flagels! They remind me of going to Montauk and the beach.
12. A very thin layer of cream cheese or a very thick layer of cream cheese.
Pugliese: Thatâs actually a tough one â as an owner we get smacked once in a while on Yelp for not enough or too much or âthatâs a disgusting amount.â We have a hard time making people happy but I think it should be a lot, we donât want to cheat anyone. Personally Iâm on the very little side, though.
Zalaznick: Itâs a matter of personal preference, but I personally dislike too much. Itâs just like you canât eat it, it gets all over the place.
Daoheung: Overall I think there needs to be the right balance. If you canât taste the cream cheese itâs not enough, but I do hate when you get so much that half of it gets wasted.
13. Gluten-free bagels (if you donât have a gluten sensitivity).
Pugliese: We make them, we do it. I guess it technically should be a crime because what makes a bagel a bagel is the high gluten dough.
Zalaznick: We make great gluten-free bagels. If you donât have a gluten allergy Iâm not sure why you would eat it, but itâs a great thing for the gluten-free community.
Daoheung: We make them, but they are never going to be the same. Bagels are literally the most gluten piece of bread one can get. I understand the appeal, but never going to be the same.
14. The fact that Ice-T has never eaten a bagel.
Pugliese: I feel bad for him, I donât know if itâs a crime. Heâs from Los Angeles so he gets a pass. If I were from Los Angeles, I would probably stay away from bagels, too.
Zalaznick: Is that possible? I find that hard to believe. Maybe I should send him some.
Daoheung: What?! That is so crazy. I honestly donât even know what to say!
15. Appleâs bagel emoji controversy.
Pugliese: Again, I would just put the blame on California. They shouldnât have anything to do with bagels, they just donât know.
Zalaznick: The new one looks great, like a Sadelleâs bagel. That was nice of them.
Daoheung: The second one was much better.
16. Montreal-style Bagels.
Pugliese: As a baker, I have respect for the craft of what theyâre doing but I just donât like them personally. Itâs just not the same.
Zalaznick: Strongly dislike. Do not think theyâre bagels.
17. New York-style Bagels.
Daoheung: We are a perfect hybrid of the two, so you donât have to decide! Both have their great qualities, but I do love the wood fire and honey of a Montreal bagel, hence why we borrowed it from Montreal.
Kristen Aiken contributed reporting to this story.