Bah, Humbug, it's Valentine's Day

Red hearts. Everywhere you look, nothing but red hearts. What a bore. Valentine’s Day sucks big time, especially if you’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t understand what being romantic is all about.

Cynical Romance I thought I was extremely romantic when I reminded my husband, that when we got married, we didn’t have the money to buy rings. We were investing in real estate. We both wear earrings, so I got a matching set of diamond studs. It’ll be our secret, like rings. He didn’t even bat an eyelash and began talking about the fastening on the earring which he wasn’t sure was secure.

Even a year ago, I would’ve been wounded that my romantic gesture went unnoticed. Now, I accept my mate for exactly who he is and I expect nothing out of him, except to be completely himself. Have I fallen under a magical spell? No. The magical alchemy is acceptance.

Egging myself on On the other hand, when I mix newly bought eggs and a handful of remaining eggs in our refrigerator basket, I draw faces and messages on the older eggs. This week in honor of Valentine’s Day, I drew faces and hearts on the eggs. When I finished, my face hurt from smiling. My husband thought it was so wonderful that he didn’t want to crack the eggs. Go figure. Eggs are a lot cheaper than diamonds!

When you stop trying to change a partner and you concentrate instead on changing and evolving yourself, you rise and deepen to a new level of comprehension and peace. You realize your happiness depends on you and no one else. It’s the most astounding thing I have ever discovered.

Stage 1 Lust No matter the reality, I am the most cynical romantic I know. The first stage of love, that intoxicating lust that drives us quite mad is thrilling and exciting. Unless you accept it for exactly what it is, mother nature’s insurance policy to populate the earth, you will most certainly be disappointed. That phase of coupling doesn’t last. That cold reality exempts no one, despite gender, religious preference, education or intelligence.

Stage 2 Realism If you can get to the second stage of a realistic relationship, lust has a hope of developing further. This is also the stage where comfort sets in and expectations of things remaining as they are, takes hold. We stop trying or pretending, and our true self shows itself in all its glory. Sometimes that leads to love and marriage, or a more permanent bonding stage.

Stage 3 Disillusionment A third stage, often ignored, is complete disillusionment with each other. Most couples crash upon the shoals of disillusionment and give up. They think it’s over, instead of thinking there could be something beyond this.

Stage 4 Love The “beyond” is acceptance of who the other is. You are no longer ashamed if he makes a fool of himself. You are no longer attached at the hip. He’s not jealous of your girlfriends. A key element that develops after this disillusionment, is enormous respect and regard for the other. You also have enough self-respect to speak up if you are bothered and the other values your relationship enough to sit down and listen.

Work on yourself An essential key to develop a healthy, mutually supportive, respectful relationship is working on yourself. All of us have wounds from our past. We need to work on them by ourselves and perhaps professionally, maybe as a couple as well. After all the time, love, care and emotion you have invested in any relationship, isn’t it worth asking for help? Isn’t it worth your attention when you have something so precious in your hand and you have power over its life or death?

Beware! So, when I look around and I see the sea of red – don’t tell anybody - it’s one of my favorite colors. Enjoy the magic in every meeting. That tantalizing seed of lust could grow into an interaction that could transform your life and refine your soul. Or it could be a memory that leaves you shaking your head at your own gullibility.

I see you looking at that imagined seed in your hand that could be love. I also see from another perspective, the blindfolded little boy with tiny wings and a bow and arrow hovering in front of you. Cupid is aiming at your heart right now.

Beware. You’re about to be shot. Logic nor cynicism will save you. It’s Valentine’s Day.

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