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Food & Drink

Balcony Grill: Barbecue Has Never Seemed So Incredibly Dangerous (PHOTO)

We cannot think of a universe where this isn't totally dangerous.

This particular gadget has caused us to suffer a bit of a crisis of conscience -- most of us live in confined, city spaces and dream of having our own grill at our disposal every day, but we also just can't figure out how bolting a trough of hot coals to your balcony railing could ever be a good idea. Yeah, we're talking about a balcony grill. A thing that most of us city dwellers already know is pretty much completely against the rules, for pretty obvious reasons.

Says the designer's Web site, "The Bruce Handrail Grill by designer Henrick Drecker combines the function of a handy grill with the principle of a flower pot: It hangs on the handrail in common flower-pot supports and does moreover not need much space." We suppose what we're getting at is that we don't totally trust common flower-pot supports with a) hot coals and b) all our grilled meats. Even still, it looks awfully tempting.

balcony grill

If you feel like throwing caution to the wind, or live in a place where setting your apartment building on fire is not a concern, you can pick up your very own balcony grill from Connox for about $78.

Brass Knuckles Meat Tenderizer
Yeah, definitely. Nothing says "I have street cred" like tenderizing your meat with a pair of brass knuckles.
The GrillComb's claim to usefulness: "Keeps food from spinning while cooking." Ah yes, finally an answer to the "food spinning epidemic." It's probably pretty exciting the first time you pick one of these up and scatter your grill with individual pieces of food.
Creme Brulee On The Grill
The Tool Wizard
The directions for this product are hilarious. Cook the creme brulee "according to a recipe," then heat this metal plate on your grill and caramelize each custard individually. Just buy a torch, you guys! They got invented for a reason!
Grill Sergeant Apron
Perpetual Kid
This is a neat trick: giving the gift of a tool that makes the person you are giving the gift to look like a tool. Also, who doesn't want a six pack of beer strapped to their chest while they lean over a grill?
Ham Dogger
Kitchen Art
The Ham Dogger turns hamburger meat into a hot dog. How this product improves upon rolling your ground beef into logs by hand, we have not deciphered. Do we need to even make fun of this? Just don't do this. Please.
Personalized Leather Apron & Gloves Set
What are you, welding? Don't worry, dad, you're the only one in the house who wants to wear leather gloves for grilling -- you don't have to put your name on them. Go flip my cheeseburger, weirdo.
Patio Bistro® Infrared Electric Grill
Char-Broil wants to make sure you can grill even in places where you "aren't allowed to grill." So they invented a glorified hot plate with ridges that's shaped like a grill. The guys in the picture look like they're pretty psyched about it, though.
Meatball Grill Basket
The amazing thing about all of these stupid grilling tools, is that they are firmly rooted in just how lazy we can be. Grilled meatballs sound awesome, but is it really that taxing to just turn them one by one? The world has been done a service in that these are no longer available on Williams-Sonoma's website.
Motorized Grill Brush With Steam Cleaning Power
Okay. What exactly are you grilling? Paint? Do you really need the brushes to rotate for you? Did you know that this uses eight AA batteries? Just oil up an onion like the rest of us and move on!
Reel Roaster
Perpetual Kid
The only way we'll be able to move on with our day and find peace, is if you assure us that no one has ever purchased one of these. Here's how the Reel Roaster works: stab your hot dog/marshmallow/whatever onto the end of the antenna and crank the reel to rotate the skewer. Or just, you know, use a coat hanger like the rest of us have for eternity.
Bear Claw Meat Shredder/Lifter
Sur La Table
But meat shredders already exist! They're called hands! And forks! If you are barbecuing anything tough enough that it requires giant metal hands to shred -- you're doing it wrong.
For only $10, you and your UFO BBQ Cover can let your neighbors know that you had nothing better to do with those $10.
Grill Clips
Sur La Table
These Sur La Table Grill Clips are a great way crush delicate pieces of food before you serve them to your guests. Also, we bet these are really fun to try to open, hot off the grill.
Quirky Sliders Skewers
Are you really taxed by sliding food off your skewer with a fork? Here -- put a piece of plastic on the grill next to your food and see if it melts before you get your zucchini.
Barbecue Tool And Accessory Organizer Stand
Having trouble keeping your BBQ tools organized? Strap an unstable, top-heavy rack onto a BBQ filled with hot charcoal. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.