Having achieved world peace and utopian harmony, last week marked the most anticipated social event on the calendar of Israel haters', oops, pro-Palestinian activists, across campuses in the United States - the 'Israel Apartheid Week.'
With the situation in Syria resembling Club Med in Vanuatu, feminists finally controlling the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia and China open to the most robust free press and thriving Tibetan community in the world, clearly this is an opportune time for our bastions of human rights and defenders of freedom to turn on the sole democracy in the Middle East - that grand pariah of them all ... the Jewish State of Israel.
With the Boycott, Divestment & Sanctions (BDS) campaign in full swing, and lovers of Israeli pickles and hummus stocked up for fear of their favorite gourmet delicacies going out of stock, one may be forgiven for asking - why don't the BDS activists just go all the way; and if so, how would that look?
Let's start with something easy, you know, like not using computers anymore. In the past year alone, Apple, Google, Intel, Microsoft and Facebook have invested billions of dollars in Israel, opening up R&D Centers, high-tech incubators, headquarters and buying out & investing in Israeli start-ups.
How about cell phones? Samsung just made a major long term investment in Israel, Motorola's Israel office was instrumental in actually creating the world's first cell phone, while some of the most popular iPhone apps have also been produced in Israel.
But that's fine, our BDS activists can still coordinate the Israel Apartheid Week by telegram or Morse code.
Now what if, heaven forbid, our BDS activists get cancer? Do they know that Israel is a world leader in bio-medicine and cancer research? Take for example the Israeli company IceCure Medical, which has developed a revolutionary system to treat breast cancer without surgery by destroying tumors by turning them into balls of ice. Or what about Hadassah Hospital in Jerusalem, which designed a simple blood test that reveals women at risk of breast or ovarian cancer, allowing them to get early treatment (Editor's note: sorry, not clear if the test was designed in 'West' or 'East' Jerusalem). But that's ok too. You can just twiddle your thumbs and hope everything will go away.
Care about protecting US troops abroad, especially in Afghanistan, and defending America from national security threats at home? Well, you may as well waive the white flag now - the U.S. military and Israeli Defense Forces have an incredibly close alliance, working together on a myriad of mutual security threats, with the US Army using some of the latest cutting edge technology made in Israel.
Of course there is no shortage of 'green' BDS activists attacking Israel. But maybe they didn't realize that Israel is also a world leader in clean-tech and green technology? For example, Israel's Better Place is working to make electric vehicles more accessible and reducing global dependence on oil, while the Arava Power Company is pioneering world leading technology in solar energy. Oh well, guess you better pitch a tent in the rainforest and ride that old BMX to work.
Odds are, BDS activists also probably own something made by NIKE (you know, to help run to all those anti-Israel rallies). Darn it, NIKE also has a large base in Israel, including sponsoring many Israeli clubs and athletes.
And while we're here, global food and beverage giants McDonald's, Coca-Cola and Nestle also operate in Israel. So, I guess no, no and no to them too.
Now, I'm just gonna take one more wild stab in the dark here and guess from time to time, you may ... err ... drink water too? You may have even come to the realization that water scarcity is one of the greatest sustainability challenges facing the planet? Well, shock horror, gasp, but those Zionists are also world leaders in water technology, especially desalination, irrigation and clean water-tech. Better pray then you have the thirst level of a camel!
To sum up, if BDS 'activists' are true to their word and want to boycott all things Israeli, then they better become hermits, give up technology and pray to God they never get sick.