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Be Kind To Your-Bed Sharing Partner: Eight Suggestions

There are a million different things you could do to be kind, and you are possibly the world's expert on what your partner would consider kind. But here are eight suggestions. Possibly they will just reinforce what you already know, or maybe they will give you fresh ideas of things to try.
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If you share a bed, little acts of kindness can make bed-sharing a lot easier for your partner. And those acts of kindness may help to make things go better in your relationship. There are a million different things you could do to be kind, and you are possibly the world's expert on what your partner would consider kind. But here are eight suggestions. Possibly they will just reinforce what you already know, or maybe they will give you fresh ideas of things to try.

1. Warming Your Partner's Side of the Bed
If you go to bed first on a cold winter's night you could lie on your partner's side of the bed until she or he comes to bed. Then you can go to your usual side of the bed, but your partner will have the comfort of lying in a pre-warmed place in the bed.

2. Thoughtful Ways of Going to Bed Second
If you know you will go to bed second, you can prepare in advance so that you will not do so much that might wake up your partner. For example, if your partner would be disturbed by your brushing your teeth, you can do that before your partner goes to bed. And of course you can get into bed very carefully so that you don't rock the bed or move the covers much.

3. If You Need to Read Before Going to Sleep
If you need to read before going to sleep, maybe you can read in another room, so the light and the movements of your body turning pages don't make it hard for your partner to sleep. Or if you need to be in bed when you read late at night, use a lamp that casts minimal light on your partner and ration your reading so you do not do it for very long.

4. Don't Use Your Phone in Bed
If you can avoid it, it could be kind to your partner for you not to use your phone for anything once you are both in bed--not for calls, text-messages, e-mail, web-browsing, looking at the news, checking your schedule, or anything else. If you must do something with your phone, do it earlier, before going to bed.

5. Turn off Your Phone
As in going to movies, plays, and classes, when you go to bed it would be kind to your partner to turn off your cell phone. Then your partner won't be awakened by the phone's ringing or vibrating when a call or text message or something else comes in.

6. Talking or Not Talking
If your partner needs to sleep, it's best not to try to converse with her or him when you both are in bed. Try to do your conversing earlier in the evening, or hold it off until tomorrow. I know this is contradictory, but if your partner really wants to talk about something now, even if you are really tired it would be kind if you could hang in there and have that conversation with your partner. Of course if you can't hang in there and have that conversation, it would be kind apologize to your partner, explain that you are really tired, and make an appointment to have the conversation at a specific time the next day.

7. Do What Your Partner Likes
Whatever your partner likes once you both are in bed, it would be kind to do some of that. It might be snuggling, back rubbing, a kiss, an "I love you," a compliment, or something else. Of course, what is kind for one person is not for another, so be sure that what you offer your partner is actually something your partner would like and not just something you wish your partner would like.

8. Say "Thanks"
Couples who share a bed often do a lot for each other without hearing the word "thanks." It might be kind when going to bed to offer thanks sincerely for one or more things your partner has done during the day. Even something like, "Thanks for watching that late night show with me; I liked being there with you" might be a sweet and connecting statement for your partner. And even a general and caring statement like "Thanks for being you" might be much appreciated by your partner.

Maybe your partner won't say "thanks" if you perform an act of kindness, and maybe your partner will not be nearly as kind to you as you are to your partner, but your doing them might make life better for your partner and might give you the pleasure that comes with doing good deeds.