The most powerful elixir for real love is YOU. To find, keep, and build a lasting love, you just need to be you -- your authentic, unadulterated self. This is what I call essence, because it's really true, nobody can be YOU like you can.
Unfortunately, it is easy to think if we were smarter, thinner, richer or funnier, then a man will love us. Or, if we hide our complaints, our baggage, our pain, our hurts, then he won't run away. But none of that, I promise you, is what a good relationship is based on.
All the best marriages and longest relationships that you will ever see are the ones where both people can really be themselves. When we are in love, we love who our partners really are. We love how they are, how they think, how they feel. We love their funny little mannerisms and quirks, the way they walk, their crooked smiles, and the way they say our name. We might even love their snoring! Pretty much, when a love is right, we love every little thing about them. And vice versa!
If you want a relationship like that, then you need to go into the relationship like that -- by being real. Be you. Tell the truth. Tell him what you like. Tell him what you love. Tell him what you care about, what you dream about, tell him what you're scared about, too. Share with him your innermost feelings, your doubts and your fears. Let him show up for you. Give him the chance to be there for you, to encourage you and support you. If he is the right man for you, he will want to. He really will.
Love is based on trust. And, honest communication is the bridge that builds that trust. Where that line is drawn describes the level of how much real intimacy there can be.
The bottom line is: deep intimacy requires deep trust.
The more you can share your heart with your man, the more he can show up for you. And, if you share these intimate feelings with him and he isn't interested, then that becomes valuable information too, and will also help you know if he is right for you or not. A good man will want to be there for you. A man that really loves you, wants to get to know you, and wants to know you more and more.
So, be brave, ladies. Take the chance to speak your heart to your guy.
"I like it when..." "I don't like it when..."
Tell him. A good man wants to get it right. He wants to be your hero. He wants to share his life with you... TOO.
Diana Lang is a spiritual teacher and author of
OPENING TO MEDITATION -- www.DianaLang.com