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Before You Start the Marriage Cruise

Let's face it... getting married is not anymore an achievement, getting married as you are in love long-term and do not get divorced is.
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Let's face it... getting married is not anymore an achievement, getting married as you are in love long-term and do not get divorced is.

The economic principle of supply and demand seems to be one of main reasons why some men and women cannot answer the question of curious friends and family members ''When are you getting married?'' in an affirmative way. Even if we set aside the fact that such question is highly impolite as it touches upon a deeply intimate area of people's life, the statistics show that more and more people remain single and do not get married as we speak.

According to the report from Pew Research there are three main reasons why the interviewed US respondents are single. Unbelievable to many inquisitive souls but reasonable to anyone who appreciates quality relationship over quantity and speed, for 30% of single people the reason is that they haven't found the right person, 27% respondents feel that they are not financially stable enough and 22% do not feel ready to settle down.

Millennials saw the best and worst of married life in the homes of their parents and now they have reached the stage in their life to make informed choices whether marriage will fit their lifestyle or not. As a white, European, resilient and educated woman under 30 (at the moment of writing this text), I have been privileged that the social pressure of getting married is subtle in my culture and I have been quite freedom-oriented to stop seeking approval for my actions many years ago.

Much more importantly, I have learned throughout intimate and friendship relationships of my own and people in my network that any kind of relation that means to us requires mutual nurturing. The very moment we start thinking in terms of reciprocity, ''Hmm... I did this for him, and he should do this for me...'' it is a sign that the relationship needs CPR.

No matter how much the other person loves us it is impossible for him or her to read our mind, and no matter how much lovable we are there will be times when we hurt the other human being even though he or she may not be responsible for it. You know that moment when you yell at your kid or spouse, instead of explaining to the colleague that he needs to change what goes on you nerves. Except that you should neither yell at the beloved ones who do not have anything to do with your problems, nor the colleague who has.

And marriage is all about that: the partnership that we build together with our soulmate, lover and friend in times when everything is smooth and other times when everything is rough. And we do not think if there is somebody better out there for us and so we stay loyal and do not cheat on our partner, we build a house together and have children. Or we wear the hat of building family together, but we make an agreement to see other people although we are in marriage. And there may be voices shaking their heads in disbelief and waving their tongues, ''How dare you be in an open relationship when so many noble men and women cheat on their partners?''

Happy marriage is all about making small moments a spectacle, when you pump up the volume on your radio, Spotify or YouTube playlists as you are preparing a mutual meal. Or you listen carefully to the answer to the question, ''How was your day?'' or ask for 15 minute of silence to recuperate your thoughts. Every day there is a small portion to invest from the portfolio of 86.400 seconds that have been given to us. And then multiply it with 40 or 50 years provided that health and medical improvements serve us. There's no time to be grumpy.

In our pursuit towards that ideal, we learn painfully and beautifully what we want from relationships and what makes us happy. The awesome portal Wait But Why reminded us, ''When you choose a life partner, you're choosing a lot of things, including your parenting partner and someone who will deeply influence your children, your eating companion for about 20,000 meals, your travel companion for about 100 vacations, your primary leisure time and retirement friend, your career therapist, and someone whose day you'll hear about 18,000 times.'' and I absolutely recommend that you take the test in their How to Pick Your Life Partner series.

Once you are certain that you are not getting married because the biology or environment rushes you, and you have the consensus with your partner what kind of life you want to lead together, it is high time you started planning your wedding with this ultimate wedding planning checklist. I am a big believer of picking up the best information in the field you need to master and then adding your personal touch once you have the built-in system and infrastructure behind it.

Planning your wedding is the first opportunity for you and your partner to use transactive memory i.e. to focus only on the information which are your responsibility while you and your partner have the common system of sharing and retrieving information.

For example, you take care about about venue, you pick up the best flower decorations, and then there are dresses for you and bridesmaids, perfecting your wedding hairstyle and make-up while he is arranging the guest list and food. In married life, he drives kids to extra-curricular activities, vacuum cleans, organizes meeting friends, while you take care of the meals and bills, if that is something that each of you do naturally well.

And then we can get inspired to the bones by the wedding cinema as we empathize with the anxiety and adventures of heroines in My Big Fat Greek Wedding to 4 Weddings and Funeral and Bollywood classics such as Never Say Goodbye.

At your big day there is the music in the background to decide about: from Vienna waltz to the newest club hit. Bridal Guide makes the life of brides-to-be easier with their list of wedding songs from 1960s-2010s when they enter the isle, enjoy the first wedding dance or cut the cake.

But before the life of togetherness starts, you may pick up the honey moon in accordance with your lifestyle: if you are backpackers, activists in developing countries, city slickers or the lovers of cruising? And the ladies' clothes for cruises becomes easily the memorabilia of the first mutual footsteps on the beaches of places whose skyline resembles the flame of newly-weds.

Fellow Huffington Post columnists have outlined more marriage statistics so other people's experience and even a single sentence can be valuable in decades of mutual life. I guess when it comes to marriage, as it happens with all other aspects of life that we want to succeed in, the winning combination is created with zest, constant learning, empathy and positive disposition.