'Being A Virgin Sucks -- But I'm Still Waiting'

Throughout the months of September and October, HuffPost Teen is highlighting the way teens think and feel about sex through anecdotes written for our series, "Teen Sex: It's Complicated." All of the authors are teenagers who have agreed to be published anonymously. If you want to share your thoughts, join the conversation here.

By Grayson, 19

To me the word “sex” means… it means many things. It’s a thing that’s far off and shining, and at the same time, close-up and threatening. I’m a 19-year-old virgin. That sentence means different things depending on who I say it to. My Christian friends applaud me for maintaining my purity in the face of a “corrupt world.” My other friends think I’m a moron. Sometimes I feel like a moron.

I do truly believe that sex is best saved for marriage, but I also have to face the reality that I’m going to be spending the horniest years of my life completely celibate. The latter group of friends admires my resolve but they tell me that waiting isn’t worth it. I’ve had several girlfriends and have had physical relationships that stopped short of intercourse, so I have some concept of what I’m missing. The small taste I’ve had only drives me crazy thinking about how good the real thing must be. There’s also the fear that I’ll eventually want to have sex so badly that I’ll end up marrying the wrong person, which would be far worse for everyone involved. It almost seems like I’d be better off having sex now so that I didn’t make that mistake. I’m trying to trust in what I believe to be God’s plan for sex, but in the meantime, it really, really sucks.

I’m not sure if you’ll want to print this, since it isn’t very sexy or eye-catching, but I think it’s important. There is a large number of teens, Christian or otherwise, who truly believe that the best way to approach sex is to wait until marriage. I’m not trying to debate whether this is the best approach or not. Half the time I can’t see why anyone would think waiting is a good idea and even when I can, I still despise it. But I think it’s important to speak out, for myself and for those with similar commitments.

I’m not some Puritan who wants to clap people in irons for the crime of premarital fornication and furrow my brow at “sinners.” I think everyone has the right to make their own choices concerning sex and I’m glad they respect my decision, even if they don’t agree with it. What I am is a horny college kid struggling to make what I think is the right choice about sex, no matter how badly I want to finally just lose this pesky virginity.


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