"Oh my God! Don't they have a mirror?"
"What a nasty person they are to live that way!"
"Did you see her photos? What did she do to her face?"
"What a steaming pile of garbage that is!"
"What an idiot! Who do they think they're fooling?"
I can judge you, belittle you and brutalize you with my words and thoughts without even knowing you. And, I actually believe I have every right to do this. My culture, my upbringing, some of my education, the media that incessantly pounds ads and sales pitches at me, and the "let's get all excited" tabloids and gossipy talk shows, all tell me that it's totally okay for me to think, feel and act this way.
Lately I've taken a really close look at what my need to judge is all about. This doesn't mean I don't have opinions and insights about what is valid and good, what is helpful and true for me. Of course I do. I need to examine life as I negotiate my path. I need to choose, understand, seek and decide. But, being judgmental about what you think, do and say doesn't help me in this at all. In fact, it actually gets in my way. Because when I put my attention and emotions into judging you, I get to avoid feeling, thinking and growing within my own life
What is it about judging you that makes me feel so good? It's really pretty simple: I get to feel better about who I am by beating the hell out of who you are. I'm scared and resentful. I'm angry, arrogant and uncomfortable. And I want relief! So I create drama, self-satisfaction and entertainment by stomping all over your humanity and dignity. The interesting thing is, that for the most part, you don't even know I've torn you apart--only I do. I'm the only one involved in this brutal game of one-up-man-ship.
So how does this work? What's really going on when I tear you down?
- I get to throw my feelings at you instead of feeling them within myself.
- I get to feel good about myself without doing any real work.
- I get to feel secure in my belief systems.
- I get to avoid my fear of being human by seeing you as different.
If I am being judgmental about you -- your looks, your words, your actions or ideas -- it's not about you at all. It's about me. Something in you is scaring me. Something about you is shaking me up. When I want to judge you, it's time for me to look at myself and ask: "What's going on with me that I have to kick someone else to make me feel better?" And then, it's time for me to get self-honest, bravely willing and really gutsy as I look at my answers -- and get to work on me.
Robin Korth enjoys interactions with her readers. Feel free to contact her at firstname.lastname@example.org or on Facebook.
To learn about her new book, "Soul on the Run," go to: www.SoulOnTheRun.com
You can also download her "Robin In Your Face" free daily motivational app by going towww.robininyourface.com/whats-new/