Being Motherless in College


Drexel University '18

The other day, I was sitting in a coffee shop on campus trying to think of a topic for my next article. I was thinking up all of the usual stuff: college fashion, sex, drinking, etc. As I opened my laptop to start writing, I overheard the conversation of the girl sitting next to me. She was on the phone screaming at her mother about how she needed more money in her bank account so she could get her nails done.

I never really voice my opinion about this sort of thing, but seriously? I don't have a mother, which makes it incredibly difficult to be surrounded by people who talk like that to theirs. I don't really care what your reasoning is, but you should know how lucky you are to even be able to call your mom in the first place.

So, to the motherless in college, I feel your pain.

I feel your pain when you're surrounded by your friends who get to call their mothers every single day. It makes me mad when I hear people talking to their mothers with such disdain, but it makes me feel even worse when I hear them talking about their day or how much they love each other. There are some days when I come home and all I want to do is cry or scream and call my mom. But, I can't. I'm left alone with my thoughts, and that's all.

My mom never even got to know where I was going to school, because she passed away right before I made the choice.

I especially feel your pain as you look ahead to the future. I think about the only person I'd really care about seeing me graduate, and that's my mom. I want to see her smile knowing that I'm a real-life adult, doing really awesome things. I know she's always there, but it doesn't always feel that way. I miss her all the time, and thinking of a life without her terrifies me--and probably scares you, too.

The only good thing that I can get out of this is that it's a learning experience. It's made me a more independent, and strong-willed human being, something I definitely got from her. Not having her here sucks, and I constantly think about how my life would be different if she was here. But, I know I have to be strong and continue to try my best because that's exactly what she would want.

When you lose your mother, it doesn't really get easier. It just becomes a little more manageable each day. So, to the motherless in college or anywhere, really: You're dealing with a heavy load of shit each and every day; and I get how you feel. Just remember that you're never alone, and someone else out there is feeling the same way you are.

If you or someone you know is struggling with the death of a parent or loss, there are resources that can help.