Bernie or Lust (or: the Sociology of the "Never Hillary" Movement)

Even obsessive Star Wars fans have trouble describing Darth Vader's role within the evil Empire. He's not running the show. Emperor Palpatine is the one in charge. And at board meetings, Vader is simply one of several military high-ranking officials... although unlike the generals and lieutenants, Darth Vader doesn't really have an official title. Yeah, I mean, he's a "darth." But that's more of an honorary degree. It's like how at college graduations, they're always giving Billy Joel a doctorate.

Basically, Darth Vader's job is to be the face of the Empire. Eh, maybe not "face." More like the mask of the Empire. He travels around the galaxy shaking a few hands, inspiring the troops, promoting fear, strangling his friends, and killing off those last remaining Jedi dedicated to freedom and democracy.

According to reliable news sources, Donald Trump originally wanted John Kasich as his Vice-Presidential running mate. Kasich was told he could be in charge of domestic and foreign policy. What other policy is there? The "who gets to choose where we eat tonight" policy? Essentially, Kasich would've been entrusted with the duties of President of the United States.

And what would have been Darth Trump's role in this new Empire? Well, he would be the face of America, traveling around the country shaking a few hands, inspiring the... oh how about Applebees!

I'm not sure if this is what we want in a President. The most powerful person on the planet should probably have a more "hands-on" approach to governing. A working knowledge of the Constitution and a touch of civility wouldn't hurt, either.

Meanwhile, the Bernie or Bust protesters are the Jar Jar Binks of the galaxy. Sure, they're annoying and ignorant. But they're irrelevant. Yes, it was Jar Jar's proposal to give the Emperor all his political power. But do you really think, in the bigger picture, this made a difference? The Emperor didn't really need Jar Jar, just as Donald Trump doesn't need the Bernie or Busters.

Hillary Clinton will lose the Presidential election if her campaign doesn't inspire the Democratic base to come out and vote. Donald Trump will win the Presidential election if his campaign can instill enough fear into the electorate.

No presidential election has ever been decided by that insignificant number of people choosing "not to vote" as a political statement. "Not voting" is not a political statement. It's not even a statement. It is, by definition, nothing. "Not" is even in the word "nothing." There are people who will literally forget to vote. There are other people who want to vote, but they can't because they're busy binge-watching Gilmore Girls on Netflix. You're making the same statement as these people. Or, rather, you're doing the same nothing as these people.

Four plus zero is the same as four on its own. It's just four. Logically, there is no such thing as Bernie or Bust anymore. Bernie isn't running anymore. Now you're just Bust. This is your well thought out political stance: bust. It's like standing outside a house on fire, holding up signs that say "death." Yes, perhaps that true. But instead of being a gloomy asshole, you could try to help the people inside.

"No. We're making a political statement."
"What your statement?"
"People inside the house fire are going to die."
"What does that have to do with you?"
"It doesn't. But if we stand outside with signs, we can temporarily make it about us."
"Yes, but a year from now, nobody will remember you. All they'll see is this burnt-up house and its sad results."
"We can temporarily make it about us."

I've been hearing a common catchphrase amongst the Bernie or Bust Never Hillary non-voters. Don't bully me into voting for Hillary Clinton! Yes, a political debate about the future of our country now constitutes a form of bullying.

For a recent photo shoot, Rumer Willis was photoshopped so that her jaw appeared smaller. Willis called this an act of bullying. Boy, bullying has really changed. Remember in middle school when sociopathic thugs would beat up the smaller kids during gym class? I bet, given the chance, those kids would've voted for Hillary over getting punched in the arm.

Nobody is being bullied here. Bullying requires a victim. You're not a victim. Everything is not about you. The Presidential election is about the country. Sadly, the Bernie or Bust movement is so based on the self-obsession and entitlement of its members that it's not even about Bernie Sanders anymore.

Sanders has endorsed Hillary Clinton. He is telling his followers to vote for Clinton. It's like when people do crappy things while wearing those What Would Jesus Do bracelets. If Jesus appeared and said, "I wouldn't do that," the response would be, "Naw, I think you would."

Here's the truth...

Most Americans, including most Bernie or Bust members, are living pretty good lives- maybe not relative to billionaires, but relative to being on your own in the woods. Yes, I know you want free college. But paying a relatively low tuition for public universities beats eating tree bark and getting chased by bears.

But if your life does suck, it's probably based on a combination of bad luck, personal irresponsibility, and the people with whom you directly interact- who have the power to exploit and control your circumstances.

And if the President of the United States is indeed the reason for your shit life... well, that the next President will be Hillary Clinton rather than Bernie Sanders won't make much of a difference.

The system isn't rigged. Our biological wiring is rigged. Anger is part of our genetic make-up. We can't escape it. So we find outlets for its release- through exercise or blame or being a people-pleaser or being a jerk or whatever. I find that I'm able to alleviate some of my anger through speed-dating.

Heck, there's an entire website devoted to our bitter jealousy and irrational rage. It's called Twitter.

But for some people, turning Hillary Clinton into an emotional punching bag is their release. The vicious hatred toward Clinton, who by all accounts is a nice, intelligent lady, is not inexplicable. Rather, the explanation just doesn't have anything do with the candidate herself.

If you're voting for Jill Stein of the Green Party, then support her. If you're voting for Gary Johnson of the Libertarian party, then support him. If you're voting for NBA groupies because you just wanna party, then support the strip club Champaign room. But if you're not voting, then you're wasting everyone's time. So get out of the way. Nobody cares who you're not supporting. Hey, you want to hear my reviews of the big summer movies I don't plan on seeing?

Independence Day: Resurgence? I'm thinking probably 2 out of 4 stars.

I will, however, be seeing the next Star Wars movie. It's called Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. It comes out in December. I hope it's good. I bet Jar Jar Binks won't be in it. But Darth Vader will.