Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Parenthood means that learning to skin an apple is the less annoying option.— Morgan Shanahan (@the818) March 6, 2014
"Momma there's something wrong with this iPad." -2yo playing with etch-a-sketch.— carly kimmel (@carlykimmel) March 15, 2014
“There are no dumb questions.”--someone who doesn’t have a toddler— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 15, 2014
How is it that 2 children can do in 10 minutes to a room, what takes a rock band a case of vodka and an entire night?— Liz Gumbinner ﾟﾏﾳﾸﾏﾟﾌﾈ (@Mom101) March 14, 2014
The band I'd be most excited to see at SXSW is the gang from Kidz Bop— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) March 13, 2014
I can only assume when my 3 year old coughs directly into the back of my throat she was aiming for her inner arm.— Allana Harkin (@AllanaHarkin) March 12, 2014
My 4yo thinks if she runs in circles fast enough, she can catch the rug on fire. Which is crazy, because she's only medium fast.— Amy Flory (@FunnyIsFamily) March 12, 2014
5yo: OMG I'M STARVING I NEED TO EAT I'M GONNA DIIIIIEE!!— Ann (@writerPT) March 13, 2014
*eats 3 fries*
5yo: Can I be done?
I'm a Stay-At-Target-Mom.— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) March 14, 2014
Question from kid: "If people never died, how many people would there be on the Earth?"— Ben Greenman (@bengreenman) March 13, 2014
Dad: How about I walk you to your classroom today? 7yo: No, Dad. You have to stop asking & learn to respect my wishes.— PBS Parents (@pbsparents) March 12, 2014
Nothing like volunteering in the classroom to make you realize how much you love YOUR kid.— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) March 12, 2014
My 3yo said, "Sorry, but..." and I waited a solid minute for him to finish before I realized he was just apologizing to his ass.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) March 12, 2014
Parenthood is:— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) March 14, 2014
Attempting to answer the great questions in life such as "why can't we see our ears without looking in a mirror?".
I'm *this close* to telling my daughter to "please hold all questions until the end" when it's time to read bedtime stories.— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) March 12, 2014
Parenting means asking the question "Why are you all wet?!" at least once a day.— Wendi Aarons (@WendiAarons) March 10, 2014
My kid called me a "Big Girl" for doing something myself. What I'm gonna do?— Jacques Nyemb (@jnyemb) March 12, 2014
Parenting is the original Flappy Bird app.— charlie capen (@charliecapen) March 9, 2014
Bunk beds are all fun and games, until they both want to sleep in the top bunk.— Sara (@sara_ashlynn) March 13, 2014
Kids: I used to spend my time getting them to be still or go to sleep. Now, I spend my time waking them up & getting them to DO something.
— Rachel Noise (@Rachelnoise) March 11, 2014
My 3 year old wants to deal the cards for Go Fish so I canceled our weekend plans.— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) March 13, 2014
I wouldn't say that Steve and I lost ourselves because we had a kid, we just lost all motivation to leave the couch after 7pm.— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) March 15, 2014
What's that thing called again that makes the hours between 5 and 9pm so impossible to survive? Oh yea, motherhood.— Lisa-Jo Baker (@lisajobaker) March 13, 2014
Yes, it's after 11pm and I'm having Goldfish cracker and vodka. I'm a parent what do you want from me?— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) March 11, 2014
One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Go the Hell to Bed Fish.— BadParentingMoments (@BPMbadassmama) March 11, 2014