Best Parenting Tweets: What Moms And Dads Said On Twitter This Week

Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!

Parenthood means that learning to skin an apple is the less annoying option.
— Morgan Shanahan (@the818) March 6, 2014

"Momma there's something wrong with this iPad." -2yo playing with etch-a-sketch.
— carly kimmel (@carlykimmel) March 15, 2014

“There are no dumb questions.”--someone who doesn’t have a toddler
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 15, 2014

How is it that 2 children can do in 10 minutes to a room, what takes a rock band a case of vodka and an entire night?
— Liz Gumbinner ﾟﾏﾳﾸﾏﾟﾌﾈ (@Mom101) March 14, 2014

The band I'd be most excited to see at SXSW is the gang from Kidz Bop
— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) March 13, 2014

I can only assume when my 3 year old coughs directly into the back of my throat she was aiming for her inner arm.
— Allana Harkin (@AllanaHarkin) March 12, 2014

My 4yo thinks if she runs in circles fast enough, she can catch the rug on fire. Which is crazy, because she's only medium fast.
— Amy Flory (@FunnyIsFamily) March 12, 2014

5yo: OMG I'M STARVING I NEED TO EAT I'M GONNA DIIIIIEE!!

*eats 3 fries*

5yo: Can I be done?
— Ann (@writerPT) March 13, 2014

I'm a Stay-At-Target-Mom.
— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) March 14, 2014

Question from kid: "If people never died, how many people would there be on the Earth?"
— Ben Greenman (@bengreenman) March 13, 2014

5YO:"I was looking for my socks, & I finally found them in my drawer! It's crazy! I know I left them right here on the floor!" #laundrymagic
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) March 10, 2014

Dad: How about I walk you to your classroom today? 7yo: No, Dad. You have to stop asking & learn to respect my wishes.
— PBS Parents (@pbsparents) March 12, 2014

Nothing like volunteering in the classroom to make you realize how much you love YOUR kid.
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) March 12, 2014

My 3yo said, "Sorry, but..." and I waited a solid minute for him to finish before I realized he was just apologizing to his ass.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) March 12, 2014

Parenthood is:
Attempting to answer the great questions in life such as "why can't we see our ears without looking in a mirror?".
— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) March 14, 2014

I'm *this close* to telling my daughter to "please hold all questions until the end" when it's time to read bedtime stories.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) March 12, 2014

Parenting means asking the question "Why are you all wet?!" at least once a day.
— Wendi Aarons (@WendiAarons) March 10, 2014

My kid called me a "Big Girl" for doing something myself. What I'm gonna do?
— Jacques Nyemb (@jnyemb) March 12, 2014

Parenting is the original Flappy Bird app.
— charlie capen (@charliecapen) March 9, 2014

Bunk beds are all fun and games, until they both want to sleep in the top bunk.
— Sara (@sara_ashlynn) March 13, 2014

Kids: I used to spend my time getting them to be still or go to sleep. Now, I spend my time waking them up & getting them to DO something.
— Rachel Noise (@Rachelnoise) March 11, 2014

My 3 year old wants to deal the cards for Go Fish so I canceled our weekend plans.
— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) March 13, 2014

I wouldn't say that Steve and I lost ourselves because we had a kid, we just lost all motivation to leave the couch after 7pm.
— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) March 15, 2014

What's that thing called again that makes the hours between 5 and 9pm so impossible to survive? Oh yea, motherhood.
— Lisa-Jo Baker (@lisajobaker) March 13, 2014