Best Parenting Tweets: What Moms And Dads Said On Twitter This Week

Parenthood means that learning to skin an apple is the less annoying option.

— Morgan Shanahan (@the818) March 6, 2014

"Momma there's something wrong with this iPad." -2yo playing with etch-a-sketch.

— carly kimmel (@carlykimmel) March 15, 2014

“There are no dumb questions.”--someone who doesn’t have a toddler

— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 15, 2014

How is it that 2 children can do in 10 minutes to a room, what takes a rock band a case of vodka and an entire night?

— Liz Gumbinner ﾟﾏﾳﾸﾏﾟﾌﾈ (@Mom101) March 14, 2014

The band I'd be most excited to see at SXSW is the gang from Kidz Bop

— Chris Illuminati (@chrisilluminati) March 13, 2014

I can only assume when my 3 year old coughs directly into the back of my throat she was aiming for her inner arm.

— Allana Harkin (@AllanaHarkin) March 12, 2014

My 4yo thinks if she runs in circles fast enough, she can catch the rug on fire. Which is crazy, because she's only medium fast.

— Amy Flory (@FunnyIsFamily) March 12, 2014

5yo: OMG I'M STARVING I NEED TO EAT I'M GONNA DIIIIIEE!!

*eats 3 fries*

5yo: Can I be done?

— Ann (@writerPT) March 13, 2014

I'm a Stay-At-Target-Mom.

— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) March 14, 2014

Question from kid: "If people never died, how many people would there be on the Earth?"

— Ben Greenman (@bengreenman) March 13, 2014

5YO:"I was looking for my socks, & I finally found them in my drawer! It's crazy! I know I left them right here on the floor!" #laundrymagic

— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) March 10, 2014

Dad: How about I walk you to your classroom today? 7yo: No, Dad. You have to stop asking & learn to respect my wishes.

— PBS Parents (@pbsparents) March 12, 2014

Nothing like volunteering in the classroom to make you realize how much you love YOUR kid.

— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) March 12, 2014

My 3yo said, "Sorry, but..." and I waited a solid minute for him to finish before I realized he was just apologizing to his ass.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) March 12, 2014

Parenthood is:
Attempting to answer the great questions in life such as "why can't we see our ears without looking in a mirror?".

— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) March 14, 2014

I'm *this close* to telling my daughter to "please hold all questions until the end" when it's time to read bedtime stories.

— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) March 12, 2014

Parenting means asking the question "Why are you all wet?!" at least once a day.

— Wendi Aarons (@WendiAarons) March 10, 2014

My kid called me a "Big Girl" for doing something myself. What I'm gonna do?

— Jacques Nyemb (@jnyemb) March 12, 2014

Parenting is the original Flappy Bird app.

— charlie capen (@charliecapen) March 9, 2014

Bunk beds are all fun and games, until they both want to sleep in the top bunk.

— Sara (@sara_ashlynn) March 13, 2014

My 3 year old wants to deal the cards for Go Fish so I canceled our weekend plans.

— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) March 13, 2014

I wouldn't say that Steve and I lost ourselves because we had a kid, we just lost all motivation to leave the couch after 7pm.

— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) March 15, 2014

What's that thing called again that makes the hours between 5 and 9pm so impossible to survive? Oh yea, motherhood.

— Lisa-Jo Baker (@lisajobaker) March 13, 2014

Yes, it's after 11pm and I'm having Goldfish cracker and vodka. I'm a parent what do you want from me?

— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) March 11, 2014

One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Go the Hell to Bed Fish.

— BadParentingMoments (@BPMbadassmama) March 11, 2014