Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
You know it's summer vacation when your kid watches an entire movie before 9 am.— Jen Simon (@NoSleepInBklyn) June 26, 2014
Me: "Hey kids, since it's summer break you can sleep AS LATE AS YOU WANT EVERY DAY NOW. No, seriously. Try it. It's pretty great."— Jenny O’Keefe (@minicityonline) June 25, 2014
My kids get along so great when they aren't around each other.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) June 26, 2014
Hell hath no fury like a 4 year old whose sandwich has been cut into squares when he wanted triangles.— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) June 23, 2014
I'm always so proud of how my kids go green and re-purpose their old arguments so they work for today.— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) June 23, 2014
If I had an elephant in one arm, a rhino in the other and an orangutan on my shoulders, my sons would still ask me to hold their stuff.— Kelley (@KelleysBreakRm) June 27, 2014
"We don't eat food with our feet" is something I never thought I'd say before becoming a mom.— Just Jessica (@fabulessica) June 24, 2014
2yo: I want a cheesestick. Me: You want a cheesestick? Him: NO cheesestick!— Toulouse and Tonic (@toulouseNtonic) June 26, 2014
There's nothing more confusing than being 2. Except being me.
*At kid's birthday party, Frozen on TV— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) June 22, 2014
My brain: Don't sing along. Don't sing along.
Me: *starts singing
My brain: Dammit
The downsides to my kid leaving toys everywhere are that the place is a mess & stepping on them hurts.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) June 24, 2014
The upside is feeling like Godzilla.
It's easy to judge the seriousness of an injury by my 4yo's refusal to accept a non-character-themed band aid. Verdict: Not Very Serious.— Ilana Wiles (@mommyshorts) June 24, 2014
My kids are having a Who Can Make the Most Annoying Sound Contest today. I don't know who the winner will be.— Real Life Parenting (@RealLifeParent2) June 20, 2014
All I know is I'm losing.
A haiku by my 8-yr-old son:— Gloria Fallon (@GloriaFallon123) June 26, 2014
Pizza is yummy
I will never stop eating
I love it so much
Dear kids,— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) June 23, 2014
The 1st time was funny
The 2nd time was a recap
The 3rd was mildly agitating
The 493rd time is shut the hell up
My son just referred to the 1980's as "turn of the century."— Sarah del Rio (@sarahdelri0) June 25, 2014
At this point, I'm pretty sure my 4 year old son thinks "ChaseSayYou'reSorry" is all one word.— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) June 25, 2014
My 5yo just prayed to Santa to help her poop come out painlessly, and I'm wondering where else my parenting might have screwed her up.— One Classy Motha (@MothaKim) June 22, 2014
My 10yo asked me about Oedipus.— Kathy Cooperman (@Kathy_Cooperman) June 24, 2014
Me: "He was a good boy who loved his mother."
4: Daddy, I don't want to take a nap.— Qwerty Jones (@QwertyJones3) June 24, 2013
Me: Trust me, one day 32 years from now, you will look back on this decision and really regret it.
3 yr old: What's procrastinate mean?— Will Rodgers (@WilliamRodgers) June 24, 2014
Me: I'll tell you later...
Being home with kids all day is just the loneliest never-alone thing. Like living in a cave filled with malfunctioning Teddy Ruxpins.— Linda (@Sundry) June 26, 2014
*Quickly shoves handful of mini Reese's cups in my mouth*
4&6: What are you eating?
M: Dog poop.
4&6: Can we have some?
— Boston Girl (@Kmdk86) June 23, 2014
Highlight of my day? Finally hopping in the shower tonight only to get interrupted because my 7yo is sad about a flower that died last week.— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) June 24, 2014