We're not going to sugar-coat this: we love pickles and if you don't, we're just not meant to be. We love to make pickles. We love to eat pickles. We love just thinking about pickles. There's something special that happens to vegetables, especially cucumbers, when you let them ferment in salt and their own juices, or brine them in vinegar. We love pickles of all shapes and sizes, flavors and colors, textures and varieties. Let's make this perfectly clear: there are no bad pickles. But there are better and worse pickles.
With that in mind, we give you the best pickles, ranked in order from worst to best. We stuck to cucumber pickles on this one, because discussing the merits of pickled green tomatoes, pickled green beans, pickled okra, etc. would have taken eternity.
10. Kool-Aid Pickles
Yeah, guys. People really do this to pickles. Like I said, no such thing as a bad pickle, but there are better ways.
9. Bread & Butter Pickles
Pickles are a sour food. Stop trying to muck this up with sugar. If you want dessert, go eat dessert.
8. Hamburger Dill Chips
Come on, admit it -- you've eaten a few of these right out of the jar. We all have. They are tiny, parcels of salty, sour, ersatz savoriness. They are not natural, but they are delicious.
7. New Pickles
If you love pickles, but have never had a new pickle, you should correct that ASAP. New pickles are brined in saltwater, just like full and half-sour pickles, but not allowed to ferment, which means they are basically salty, crunchy cucumbers.
These tiny French pickles pack a whole cucumber's flavor into one tiny bite. Do not eat pâté without them.
5. Horseradish Pickles
Guys, I am a nice Jewish girl. Pickles and horseradish are basically two of my major food groups. Combine them? A pickle for the ages.
4. Kosher Dill (Deli Pickles)
This is the pickle we are all most familiar with. Is it a great pickle? Not really. Is it the perfect complement to a grilled cheese sandwich? Definitely.
3. Spicy Sour Pickles
You know they're good when they make your mouth pucker and spontaneously combust.
2. Half Sour Pickles
These fermented pickles are just sour enough to taste like a pickle, while still also tasting like a cucumber. They are almost perfect.
1. Full Sour Pickles
They should be so sour that they make you scrunch up your face. They should be dark olive all the way through. The full sour pickle is the full expression of how good a pickle can be. If you disagree, you are wrong. SORRY, NOT SORRY.