Photographer: Blair Hopkins
Sex is about pleasure.
Sex is about connection.
Both of these statements are true. In every sexual encounter, the balance between them varies -- sometimes it's almost all about simple pleasure, while at other times, it's most important to just feel close to the person you're with -- but good sex always involves both components. The best sex happens when we find a way to balance the two equally. As someone who works in the sexual health and wellness industry, I stay pretty up-to-date on new developments to help my clients achieve this balance.
Some of the most obvious developments happen in the sex toy business. Every year, there are dozens of flashy, new sex toys that promise to add new dimensions to the experience of sexual pleasure. So, if this is the case, why have I never mentioned them before? Don't get me wrong -- sex toys are great. Lots of people use them on their own or with their partners to make their sexual experiences more playful and satisfying. Even better, toys are a fun and simple way to explore new forms of sexual expression.
But all too often, they're all about pleasure, and while that's awesome, it doesn't touch on the other half of great sex -- connection -- and it doesn't exactly make for a good article: "Have you heard of this vibrator? It feels great! And this cock ring? It also feels great!" (Are you bored yet? I am.)
Recently, though, I heard about a new sex toy that promised more -- not only more pleasure, but more connection between partners. It's a vibrator called the We-Vibe Sync, and it's a quiet, U-shaped vibrator that a woman wears. There's a little remote control that changes the vibration patterns and intensity, and the flexible shape makes it so that there is constant, customizable stimulation to her clitoris and G-spot as well as his penis during sex.
Even if the list stopped there, it'd be a pretty neat vibrator, but it gets better: The We-Vibe Sync also comes with a free app that syncs to the device and allows couples to control the toy from long distances.
Have you ever been in a long-distance relationship or been away from your partner regularly because of work travel? The We-Vibe Sync can't make up for your partner being on the other side of the world, but it does allow you to connect and share sexual experiences with your partner, even when you're apart. As We-Vibe Sync's Global Passion Ambassador Tristan Weedmark explains, the We-Vibe allows couples to "become more vulnerable, which strengthens their bond" even if they are separated by hundreds or thousands of miles.
When I heard about this new app feature, I was intrigued, and I decided to try out the We-Vibe Sync for myself. My partner (thankfully) lives nearby, so we didn't need to try it out from different countries, and so we settled for a simpler experiment: We went out to dinner. I wore the We-Vibe Sync, and he had the app on his phone, always close at hand throughout the meal.
During the whole drive to the restaurant and as we waited to be seated, I felt delightfully naughty. I had a secret that only me and my partner knew about, and it made me feel daring and sexy.
It started as soon as the waiter walked toward our table.
"Good evening! (bzzz) My name is Michael, and I'll be serving you tonight. (bzzz) Can I get you any wine (bzzz) to start?"
It felt good -- really good, in fact. Not knowing when the pulses were coming just intensified that oh-so-naughty feeling I'd had all night, but the best times were when my partner would catch my eye before casually reaching for his phone. It was hot, and it was also silly. As the waiter brought us desert, my partner decided to punctuate every word the waiter said with a quick little (bzzz), and we were both nearly crying with laughter. I'm sure poor Michael thought we were absolutely nuts, but it turned out to be a fun and memorable evening.
In the end, the We-Vibe did enhance sexual pleasure, but it did something even more important -- it brought two partners closer in emotional presence. It combined pleasure and connection, and that's what makes for the best sex and the best relationships.
Sandra LaMorgese Ph.D. is an expert in personal and professional reinvention, authentic living, communication, and bridging the gap between sexuality and a lifestyle that focuses on holistic health of the mind, body and spirit. She is the author of Switch: Time for a Change, a memoir of her journey from holistic practitioner to professional dominatrix at 55-years-old after losing everything, and her passion and purpose is to empower others towards healthy authentic living. To learn more about Sandra and receive your FREE eBook "5 Steps for Better Communication, Sex, and Happiness (Did I mention better sex?) visit www.sandralamorgese.com.